With everyone making calls for Islamic Reform, I thought I would get my two cents in as well.
Although my last attempt at Islamic Reform failed miserably, I'm gonna give it another try. This time, I'm suggesting that we all boycott Iftar invitations.
I seriously believe that Iftar dinners have gotten totally out of hand.
All too often, the Iftar dinners get carried away with buffets rivaling the fanciest of restaurants. Most Muslim cultures require the host to amicably force (not the Egyptians...they just force :->) the guests to eat as much as possible. As sincere as the intentions may be, this puts the guests in an awkward position for the remainder of the night and early-morning - waking up for Tahajjud with a full stomach is no easy feat.
I came to realize the problem plaguing the institution of the Iftar party when a dear brother politely declined my invitation. When I inquired, he explained that he has a set Ramadan schedule that he religiously sticks to every night and doesn't wish to upset the balance.
He explained that his schedule consists of limited food and extra worship, both of which become unfeasible when he accepts Iftar invitations.
I totally agree with his approach. While I acknowledge that Ramadan has a strong element of celebration and socialization, they mustn't take place at the expense of the greater spirit of taqwa (God-consciousness).
And let's not even begin with the inordinate amount of hours spent by the women slaving over these dishes, wasting valuable time better used for Dua'a, Dhikr, and Salah.
But these women are under an enormous amount of social pressure. What would people say if they only offered dates, soup, and rice?
Several years ago on the day before an Iftar dinner we were hosting, I remember suggesting to my wife, 'Let's go simple this year. How about daal (lentils) and chaval (rice)?' I'm quite sure the words she muttered under her breath invalidated her fast.
But isn't that the Prophetic spirit of Ramadan? (I mean the simplicity of the iftar, not the words of my wife) Surely the blessings of feeding a fasting person will be the same whether you offer a variety of two dishes or twelve dishes. I would even venture that the blessings would be greater with the two dishes when done with the simple spirit of the Sunnah.
The spiraling-out-of-control nature of Iftar parties reminds me of the dilemma of Pakistani wedding feasts back in the 90's. Weddings in Pakistan had gotten so ridiculous with everyone trying to outdo the other (financial requirements of these super-weddings required middle class folks to take imprudent loans or even delay weddings) that the government had to intervene.
Then-Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif imposed a ban on lavish dinners being served in wedding celebrations, allowing only finger foods. The ban was implemented via the wedding halls who would be fined if found to be in violation.
This somewhat leveled the playing field (we Pakistanis have ways around every law) and allowed those who couldn't afford the gaudy weddings to save face and hold a more simpler celebration.
Where O' where is Nawaz Sharif when we really need him?!
Oh yeah, he's exiled in Jeddah.
My point is that we need to simplify the Iftar dinners, not due to any financial difficulties placed on the hosts, but due to spiritual difficulties placed on the guests and physical difficulties placed on the cooking wives.
And until that happens, I'm formally proposing that everyone politely decline any future Iftar invitations.
Who's with me?
WAW
2 days ago
15 comments:
lol Oh my god I always say this about these 'iftaris' their not iftaris their extravagant buffet style tables , it totaly takes away the whole purpose of fasting it is soo annoying , even one time I complained about it the women just did not get it , their like but yeah you get rewarded for breaking a persons fast , yeah you do , but you dont need to feed them a whole cow to do that !
AA Naeem....
but... NO WAY!!
So perhaps I'm not living in your world where an iftar invitation means being stuffed with 12 dishes and so on. I am invited to iftars all the time, you see, and that means something crucial--I don't have to cook!!
My hosts are nice enough to never try and stuff anyone at the meal, though they do try to pawn the leftovers to us, providing us with cheap little plastic containers we can use to carry the excess home with us. It's reasonable in Ramadan that nobody really can eat more than one plate of food, if that much... so I've not had a problem yet.
Most of the iftars I go to (and usually I am "going" somewhere instead of staying at home) don't have a ton of food, there's not much more than one plate for a person anyway. Usually salad, rice, and a meat, then a piece of baklava.
When hosting, my roommate and I split the dishes and cook things that mostly sit in the oven, rather than food that takes a long time to prepare. (I.e., casseroles, baked chicken, jello.)
I spent about 20 minutes preparing food the night before, and 20 minutes the day of... hardly "slaving." A lot of the iftars I've been to, even at sisters' houses, were catered! They weren't slaving either!
The problem isn't going to iftars, it's being able to firmly say "no I won't eat more" when you can. I've yet to go to an iftar party that was "spiraling out of control."
But you said: What would people say if they only offered dates, soup, and rice?
Bismillah.
If people stop eating all that food, then the hosts won't cook it, and then... you won't have a problem. :-)
Anyway, I object, and will continue to attend every iftar to which I am invited that I can possibly squeeze into my schedule. So there! (Thumbing my nose)
AA-
@poetic_muslim, yeah, I've heard that excuse before as well...I really like your response...LOL!
@amy,
sis, either you are living in heaven or are simply the single most optimistic person I have EVER met. :-)
You've yet to get burped on in tarawih prayers, you're invited to the most simplest iftars, AND you've never slaved over cooking a dinner.
Lemme guess, a rainbow is always on your horizon and birds are always chirping! :-)
I kid.
Seriously, you are truly blessed to have such a positive experience with the Iftars. And in my hunble assessment, yours is the exception (sadly). I wish it were not so.
Question: Does your social circle consist of singles and young families? I recall similar experiences back during my college days, but once married and mixing with larger, more immigrant families, I got the buffet feasts...
Assalaamu 'alaikum! My husband is certainly "with you," and he has even implemented that rule. He declines every invitation and even refuses to have an invitation in our house. My teenage daughters think it is criminal, that they are stuck at home when all their cousins are getting together almost every night. And a couple of his sisters decided that if their dear brother won't invite them, they will just show up at asr once anyway! And he also insists on keeping the food simple, no rice for the whole month because it makes you feel tired and sluggish at prayers. So just soup, salad, hummos, bread and a piece of meat or chicken for us. I used to resent it, but it really has made my life simpler. MashaAllah wa alhamdulillah.
im so freaking down.
wooohoo, u da man...simple is best!
but you know how us immigrants are, it's always trying to keep up with the Jones...Gluttony during Iftar is just another way it manifests itself, whether it's the pointless mehndi events, wedding, valimas and now it's baby showers and engagements. It's 100% ridiculous and annoying.
AA-
The Iftar Revolutions have begun!
Sr. Alajnabiya's husband seems to have it down to a science, so we'll all become his disciples.
You guys have room for all of us? :-)
AA -
I have been to "family" iftars a couple times, but some were convert sisters and not very pushy about forcing people to eat alhamdulillah though there was plenty of food. Others... even the immigrant households I went to, most people weren't eating that much and there was a ton leftover (which is GREAT so I can eat biryani all week as "leftovers" when I have nowhere else to go or if I get home from taraweeh after having a date, salad, and rice, and still being hungry.)
One of my friends kind of outdoes the rest of us when she cooks, granted her daughters help, but there are a couple meat dishes, two different kinds of soup, pastas (plural) and many kinds of veggies plus a salad, then a fruit salad, then cheesecake.. yeah.
Oh, last year I did go to one iftar where I'm sure the sister had cooked all day and there was just waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much food. (There were a lot of people, though.) But it's more the exception than the rule.
I don't think I'm the most optimistic person, and it's definitely RAINING today (alhamdulillah though, we're in a drought). :P
But anyway. If you don't go when you're invited, then hey, more food for me. (To take home and decorate my fridge...) :D
Assalam alaikum.
I know that was a tongue-in-cheek post of yours, but would you seriously ever suggest that we 'boycott' iftar parties?
Your friend took the easiest way out - by refusing invitations and saying, "I have to worship". What about hurt feelings of the people who invited him?
IMHO, a more courageous thing to do would be to be a little more vocal about your opinions (would require a lot of tact and hikmat, of course) and persuade your friends to *simplify* all those Iftar parties.
After all, as Muslims, are we supposed to isolate ourselves, or correct each other when we see ourselves doing something wrong?
I agree with Amy who says that on the day of the Iftar party, she does not have to cook.
This has been my experience too. When I use my time well, 1 hour less spent in cooking = 2 paras of the Quran (at my speed). It's another thing my kids would never let me sit for 1 hour at a stretch. Well, half an hour anyway. But I hope you get the point.
And another thing. I attend a couple of Iftars a week. Iftar parties are so pressed for time (squeeze in the Iftar, maghreb and dinner in about an hour and a half) that the hosts don't have too much time to stuff food down anybody's throats. They set out the tables and we guests help ourselves. I have *rarely* seen anybody overeating.
[The leftovers have their advantages, too. Freeze them and you don't need to cook for another few days after you throw an Iftar party. What does that translate as? More time for ibadat again.]
So, even in jest, dear brother, don't campaign for 'dismissing' Iftar parties altogether..... but please, please do persuade your circle to simplify the menu.
I wouldn't want to get too serious over a post that you have tagged in humour, but I really didn't like to hear that a brother refused an Iftar invitation. How much you eat is, after all, up to you.
May Allah Taala accept our good deeds, Ameen.
Oh, dear... I didn't mean to type out such a long response. That was quite a sermon, wasn't it? Sorry!
I have never tried to stuff my guests at an iftar, but I do feel a certain wave of panic about two hours before iftar time comes. "Is it going to be enough? Oh I have to put more rice. There's not enough variety. The soup will surely run out. The the the..."
It's the Shaitan whispering in my ear. In my history as a Muslim I have never, ever been invited to nor hosted an iftar where we have actually run out of food. On the contrary. There is always so much. It's the barakah in the food, not the extra 2 cups of rice I put in.
Gotta go warm up last night's leftovers.
AA- apyasmom,
No worries, sermonize away!
Your correct in that I'm not *seriously* advocating an all-out boycott of Iftars. I do realize that every individual must make their decision based on personal circumstances.
I've just come to the realization that its time more people found it acceptable to not accept invitations (or even host) based on personal spiritual needs.
There should be nothing wrong with that.
"but I really didn't like to hear that a brother refused an Iftar invitation. How much you eat is, after all, up to you."
But it wasn't purely about the eating part (though that is a serious problem). The spiritual frame of mind that he wants to maintain often gets diluted with too many Iftar parties. Wouldn't you agree?
AA- UmmFarouq,
"It's the Shaitan whispering in my ear. In my history as a Muslim I have never, ever been invited to nor hosted an iftar where we have actually run out of food. On the contrary. There is always so much. It's the barakah in the food, not the extra 2 cups of rice I put in."
That is SUCH a great point. Now if I could just convince my wife. :-)
i know this is a bit late...but the Mrs and I always struggle with what to do about Ramadan iftaars...
however, we're in complete agreement that the last 10 days are always a NO...
we find it a waste of precious nights...it's like scrounging for drops of zamzam in a barren land...
wow...i sounded like a complete retread in that previous post...sorry...no sleep yet...
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