So I’m sitting down eating my early morning breakfast (I’ve got 3 weeks left to fast my 6 days of Shawwal, get off my back!), secretly enjoying my children’s Reese’s Puffs cereal while they sleep. I turn the box around to check out the back and to my horror, this is what I see:
With the exception of #15, the list stands out for its glaring lack of character-developing activities. Truly reflective of today’s self-gratifying, me-first society.
Feed your nafs. Screw the world.
I say screw the artificial teenage construct.
So as a service to all the young lovers of Reese’s Puffs cereal, here’s my revised list of 18 things to do before turning 18:
1. Memorize the Quran.
2. Go camping and sleep under the stars.
3. Organize a festival at your local masjid.
4. Compete with your friends to recite the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. First one gets a box of Reese’s Puffs.
5. Do Itikaaf in your local masjid.
6. With a group of your friends, visit a sick person.
7. Spend an extended period of time with your grandparents.
8. Perform Umrah/Hajj and break bread with as many strangers as possible.
9. Massage your mothers feet.
10. Say La-illah-il-Allah 1000 times in one sitting.
11. Pray Salat Tasbih
12. Volunteer as a mentor for a local youth club.
13. Pray Fajr in the desert.
14. Help a total stranger unload their grocery cart into their car.
15. Sacrifice a sheep with your own hands.
16. Plant a tree.
17. Get married.
18. Maintain your Islamic identity – yes!!
Any further suggestions?
22 comments:
19. If Arab, Desi, black, or another distrusted population in the US, don a Kufi and walk into heritage foundation's headquarters, look around, and loudly say "Where da white women at?" like in Blazing Saddles. If I wasn't white, I would totally do that.
---Dave, http://parallelsidewalk.wordpress.com
I see your propaganda, using cereal as an excuse to bring up your early marriage point up again, lol, u are clever my friend!
Hey Naeem how about:
Praying 5 prayers everyday.
Being patient with your parents.
Make Istakhara before making decisions.
... you otherwise had a pretty concise list :)
fatima
AA-
@Dave, welcome bro. Dude you are totally crazy! LOL! I'm down, but as long as you come with me....then afterwards, you gotta stand up after Juma'a and yell out 'I want to marry your daughters!'...oh wait, ur white so you'll be so welcomed. :-)
@Arif, you got that right bro...I'm all about Iftar reform and marriage reform. :-)
@Fatima, welcome...great additions...especially the parents one...especially with kids nowadays. :-)
Study something (anything!) with someone who is very old. (80+) Will teach appreciation for life's lessons and respect for the elderly and their wisdom.
Prepare a body for burial. Will instill awareness of mortality.
Make an item of clothing for yourself to wear (i.e., pants, shoes, shirt, etc.) Will foster a respect for the clothes we wear (that we tend to just buy at the store..)
Help construct a house or masjid (without being paid.)
Watch the sun rise and set over the ocean--the vastness of the sky and sea are awe-inspiring.
Spend the longest day of the year (June 21) fasting and the longest night of the year (December 21) in prayer.
Babysit--to know that children are not a light responsibility.
no 9, "massage your mother's feet".
I and my cousins regularly did that when we were growing up; and we got heaps of dua's after doing that - I wonder, do children do that anymore?
Well, mine are very little so it doesn't apply in my case, but I wonder if other people with older children can answer that one.
hahah , rees puffs do not sound apetizing , first one wins gets their hajj and umrah paid for them :P
brnaeem a grown man like you eating your childrens cereal ?
I think your plan could work if I walked in wearing a yarmulke and tallit and THEN said it.
--Dave, http://parallelsidewalk.wordpress.com
AA-
@Amy, amazing list! I can't believe I forgot the janaza preparation. And I really like the longest day/longest night item...sounds like a good sunnah to start!
@Mummyjaan, my siblings and I learned this most important blessing from our mother. She had 10 hands at her command whenever she wanted a massage, from her back all the way to her feet.
I remember we used to dread it, but now I look back and appreciate the simple beauty of the act. I think I'll dedicate a post to this sub-continental practice.
@Poetic, I go coockoo for Cocoa Puffs! I've got a real soft spot (otherwise known as my jelly belly) for kids sugar cereals. And since they're so hard to find here in Riyadh, my kids and I end up sparring over the cereal. LOL!
@Dave, yup, you've got your xenophobic stereotypes down to a science. Good call on the yarmulke and tallit. :-)
"Do you like a challenge?"
BrNaeem, I say eating Cocoa Puff cereal is needlessly hedonistic to begin with! Mush up some dates in some milk and you're good to go ;)
Oh and I agree with you on a lot, but I cant get down with your early marriage point. There is SO much more to it than just sex - how would a 15 year old girl, for example, know how to deal with inlaws? How would a 17 year old boy know his rights and responsibilities as a husband? How will they both know how to be good parents if there's a pregnancy, when they've only been "semi-adults" for 5 or so years?
I myself got engaged at 19 and had my nikah done at 20, and although alhumdullilah being married has been the best thing in my life, I have recommended people against getting married early.
Oh and can I say, I thought you were in your mid-twenties like me, until you left a comment on my blog saying you've been married for 14 years (mA). That was a shock for me! :)
Your sis,
Muse
"There is SO much more to it than just sex - how would a 15 year old girl, for example, know how to deal with inlaws? How would a 17 year old boy know his rights and responsibilities as a husband? How will they both know how to be good parents if there's a pregnancy, when they've only been "semi-adults" for 5 or so years? "
My wife got married to me in her mid twenties and she is STILL learning to deal with her inlaws...
I still don't know my responsibilities as a husband...
I have a child and i STILL don't know how to be a good parent...
Humans adapt pretty well when they need to...i don't see the need to buy into the group think mentality that we have to be in our mid-twenties or thirties to be successful at marriage/parenting...
Just jump in...tawakkul works wonders...and yes I am taking into account the rizq factor as well...
AA- Muse,
I see sex as only one of the factors in early marriages. I hope I didn't come off as implying sex to be the main reason.
I actually consider early marriage more critical in accelerating the young adult’s maturation process that has been so artificially retarded by today’s society which is constantly putting off adulthood and all its associated responsibilities.
Additionally, I’m not suggesting that we throw current-day teens into the marriage mix. If our youth are adhering to the Reeses Puff’s school of thought, then they clearly aren’t ready for marriage.
But if we raise them to be adults, then why not introduce them to marriage at an earlier age? If I expose a 14yr old to the preparations of a janaza or teach a 12yr old how to slaughter a sheep or introduce him to late night prayers at an early age, I believe their mental and social maturity will enable them to tackle the serious challenges of marriage.
AA- Muse,
"I say eating Cocoa Puff cereal is needlessly hedonistic to begin with!"
Them fighting words in this here part o' town.
Fine, I'll admit Cocoa Puffs are a bit indulging and childish, but c'mon folks, Honeycomb and Cinnamon Toast Crunch must seriously be considered adult cereals.
"I thought you were in your mid-twenties"
Did you assume so based on my cereal-eating habits or my way-cool style of writing?
I assume the latter, so to all you haters out there, my 'coolness' has been vindicated.
I am the very bomb!
AA -
For the record I was thinking you were late twenties, maaaaybe 30 until that Papa Smurf comment on MY blog.
I remember thinking about this blog post of yours the other day as I was walking out the door... and I was wondering how you would feel about marrying your daughter off to some boy of 16 or so... if you thought that was in her best interest. Please be honest. :-)
"If I expose a 14yr old to the preparations of a janaza or teach a 12yr old how to slaughter a sheep or introduce him to late night prayers at an early age, I believe their mental and social maturity will enable them to tackle the serious challenges of marriage."
You have a lot more faith in teenagers than I do then! With all due respect, I still have to disagree. There are so many changes a person goes through during teenage years, that the thought of having to compromise to cater to another needs while still figuring out your own seems impossible. I think you can raise your child to be as mature as possible, but they are still exposed to a society around them thats not built around them being adults till at least their twenties. Also, kids should be given a chance to be kids - teenagers should enjoy being teenagers (which is why I actually dont find the list hedonistic at all for the most part), in addition to ofcourse figuring out their spiritual growth.
And I'm not sure, I just assumed you were in your mid-twenties by your writing style I guess :) But I just realized how far off the mark I was when you just said how you are "the very bomb." lol :)
Muse
AA- Muse,
“With all due respect, I still have to disagree”
At least you’re disagreeing with respect. WRT to this issue, that’s a lot more than I can say of my wife. :-)
“but they are still exposed to a society around them thats not built around them being adults till at least their twenties.”
Must we accept this without challenge? Its not as if we are centuries removed from such a society. Many of our grandparents were married in their mid-teens and even some societies nowadays have such practices.
I would be more accepting of this social innovation (of delayed marriages) if it had resulted in an improvement, but I have yet to see any tangible progress over traditional societies (of early marriages).
“Also, kids should be given a chance to be kids - teenagers should enjoy being teenagers”
But surely you must acknowledge that the teenager construct is not a biological one – rather its socio-cultural, right?
Thus, 13-19yrd olds have nothing inherent in them that requires them to act and be like ‘teenagers’. So why are we buying into this commercialized creation of the teenager?
“which is why I actually dont find the list hedonistic at all for the most part”
Muse, if I may ask, what did you think of the list?
AA- Amy,
"how you would feel about marrying your daughter off to some boy of 16 or so"
Honestly, I would be hesitant to have a greater say on my daughter's marriage, simply because I trust my wife in being able to better gauge Maryam's maturity.
Now with Humza, I can better relate and I feel that I would have a very good handle on his mental, psychological, spiritual maturity by the time he turns 15 or 16 (God willing).
And if he approached me, interested in marriage, I would seriously consider it - based on our efforts in preparing him for this big step.
If we dropped the ball and allowed the Wii (pun intended) to raise him, then definitely it would be out of the question.
But if I was vigilant in raising him (as I pray I am able to do), I would hope that he would be mature enough to be ready for the responsibility of marriage.
Clearly if he wanted to marry purely for sexual curiosity, it wouldn't be tolerated...
I hope I made some sense...
Now convincing my wife is whole 'nother can of worms... :-)
AA Naeem -
Actually what I meant was, do you know of any boy aged 16 or so who you would be willing to trust with your daughter. You are her wali... this isn't about HER maturity (I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that most women, girls, are prepared physically, mentally, and emotionally to be married by 16 in most cases) but whether you think that there is a BOY of such maturity who you could allow to be responsible for your daughter?
"Teenagers" are capable of interpersonal relationships and intimacy, as they've proven even here in the West, much to the chagrin of their parents I'm sure. The differences in an actual marriage would be
1) responsibility and
2) commitment.
I hope my question rephrased made more sense... I'm still curious about your answer.
AA- Amy,
Sorry for the confusion...I think I understand your question better.
"The differences in an actual marriage would be
1) responsibility and
2) commitment."
And those are the qualities that I would look for in any potential suitor for my daughter.
I think we can both agree that today's 16yr old boy (not man) is totally unprepared for marriage.
So let's assume that a young man was raised properly and showed me signs of maturity and wisdom...in that case I would seriously consider his proposal.
Why not?
So to answer your question: "do you know of any boy aged 16 or so who you would be willing to trust with your daughter."
Sadly my answer is no.
But I'm raising my son with the intent of having him ready for marriage by that stage of his life.
Now whether society allows him to find a bride, whose family accepts my 16yr old son is another issue...
Make any sense?
AA
Yes, it makes sense. Clear as Roy G. Biv.
AA- Amy,
Roy G Biv?
You are such a geek! :-P
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