I find a comfortable shaded spot on one of the countless laid out carpets with a perfect view of the Ka'bah. The heat of the Dhuhr sun has found many of the worshipers scurrying into the shade, away from the open courtyard directly surrounding the House of Allah (swt), resulting in a very serene image of the bright black cube contrasted by the glow of the empty white marble floor.
The simplicity of the black cube frees up the senses to allow for greater reflection on the Divine and His attributes. I focus my gaze on the House of Allah and allow my heart to roam free in this most sanctified of places.
I slowly close my eyelids, attempting to temporarily suspend all my senses - for where I wish to go, my eyes and ears are a distraction. In the sea of Divine remembrance, only the heart can swim.
As my head dips down between my chest and folded up legs, a thundering voice wakens me from my spiritual slumber.
“Who are you?”
Startled, I look up to see who would dare raise their voice in the quiet confines of the Haram.
“Who are you?” thunders the holy house of Allah. The Ka'bah has taken on eyes and a mouth and is staring right at me.
“Uhmmm...me? I-I'm Naeem”, I sputter.
“Ahh yes, we heard of your impending arrival.”
“Really?”
“Yes, the birds spoke of the heavy-handed one arriving this weekend.”
“Huh? ‘Heavy-handed’? What does that mean?”
“Are your hands not too heavy to raise in dua'a? Are your hands not too heavy to pick up the Quran? Are your hands not too heavy to give charity?"
My stomach grinds at the sound of those deeply hurtful words.
"But I, I've come to you, the House of Allah (swt), to purify myself and soften my heart."
"HA!", the Ka'bah laughs a resounding, haughty laugh.
"Soften your heart, you say? The winds talk of the long distances you travel to arrive here and how you constantly return in the same pathetic state you arrived. If that is not indicative of a hard heart, then what is? All the animals bear witness that the stench with which you arrive is the same as when you leave. If that is not reflective of a hard heart, then what is?”
“But, but...”, I stammer looking for some hope in the words of the ancient blessed house.
“It really pains me to see you here. The khalil of Allah stood before me with his beautiful wife and son, worshiping his Lord. The beloved of Allah bowed his head before me, proving his undying love for his Creator. The greatest generation lived and died on these hallowed grounds. And now, I am forced to suffer the ignominy of your presence. Woe am I!”
Stunned into silence, I struggle to elicit a defense, but nothing flows from my dry, parched mouth.
“Your stench as you approach me is unbearable. If only you could smell the foul odor of your nauseating actions! If only you could smell your sickening breath, a result of the filthy words that have sprung forth from your tongue! But instead you are oblivious to the wretched odors you generate; brashly convincing yourself that your insignificant good deeds will eventually overcome all the chaos you have wrought.”
Finally I break my silence, only to regret doing so a moment later. "I admit to my many weaknesses, but isn't my presence in this holy sanctuary a reflection of my hope for self-rectification?"
“Silence, you insolent fool! You come here thinking that your mere presence suffices? How arrogant! How ignorant! The sincerity of intention that was constantly embedded into each and every act of worship of your great ancestors is but a distant memory with scoundrels like you. You perform rukoo’ and sajdah in the same way you drink a cup of water – like a donkey. And when you finally find it in you to beg of our Creator, you ask with the same enthusiasm as when you ask a stranger for the time.”
Emotionally distraught, I wipe away the moistness in my eyes, causing my vision to blur, quietly hoping the Ka'bah would disappear.
“You have perpetrated the greatest lie when you continuously lie to your own self. You claim to love Allah, yet your every thought and action prove otherwise.”
Frustrated beyond control, I close my eyes and cover my ears hoping the voice would go away, but to no avail. The Ka'bah continues speaking and I continue listening.
"You hands are too heavy to raise while your head is too lofty to be humbled. How quickly you raise your head from sajdah! How quickly your lower your hands from dua'a! Where is the love you pretend to have for your one and only Lord?"
And just like that, the talking Ka'bah returns to its slumber, leaving me with my thoughts of despair and confusion. So with a heavy heart, abused by the verbal lashes of the Ka'bah, I turn to the One who will never spurn me. I raise my hands and cry to Allah:
"Ya Allah, You have promised to answer the prayers of the oppressed. Today I stand before you, having been stripped naked by Your beloved Ka'bah, and I proclaim that there is no soul more oppressed than mine. For my soul is being oppressed by the greatest tyrant of all - my own self. So I beg of you to free me from the chains of oppression that I have thrust upon myself. I beg of you to lift me from the dungeons of my depraved soul."
I pause, exhale a deep sigh - mentally exhausted and spiritually flustered, I feel bitter and resentful towards the Ka'bah for ruthlessly exposing my inner state while also acknowledging the therapeutic value of beating down my nafs.
I look up at the motionless Ka'bah, ponder over my feeble nature, spiritually overwhelmed by the weighted words of the Ka'bah, I feel nothing better to sum up my tormented state than the comprehensively simple prayer of our dear Prophet Musa with which he called on his Lord after he was run out of town:
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
"Oh my Lord, I am indeed miserably needy of the blessings You send down on me!" (28:24)
19 comments:
Assalamu alaikum,
this is so moving, SubhanAllah. May Allah Ta'ala accept your Du'a, your presence, Ameen
Wassalamu alaikum
Beautiful.
Wow BrNaeem. your post amaze me.
i just read this and i felt like crying. this is just so powerful moving, inspriring.
are you planning to go to hajj?
the kabah is probably like you say, when you go there, the kabah silently says all this to you.
the most..*cant think of the word*
thing is that the point about how we go to the kabah thinking to soften our hearts how we really dont.
we come back to do the same
-The Muslim Kid-
I know I'm going to be the odd one out here. And because I'm a coward and I'm afraid of all of your judgments, I'm going to hide behind the anonymous identity.
This makes me so sad.
Why does islam insist on being so angry and bitter and resentful towards the believer? Must we always view ourselves as perpetual failures? Is mentally abusing ourselves a requirement for God's approval?
Where's the love?
Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of humility- but I've always seen humility as a natural response to recognizing the awesomeness- the inconceivable perfection of GOD. I can't fathom how it can come from self degradation.
Assalamu alaykum,
Ma'shallah, a great article. I hope you are fine bro. Please leave a comment on www.fisabilillah12.wordpress.com. It's about posters, reminders, stories, hadiths and many more. Please feel free to comment on my website. Jazakallahu khairan
Wassalam
I can feel that this was a really heartfelt post, but I have to agree with anonymous here. I cannot imagine God insulting you when you come to Him. He runs to you when you walk to Him, which means He is more eager to see you than you are to meet Him. Why would He yell at you when you come to His house?
AA-
Thank you all for you comments.
Anon and Muse, good points. Despite the harsh tone of this post, I really do believe that faith is a bird with two wings of fear and hope (sound familiar Muse? heh) and not just fear.
But as one view goes, when you're young and vibrant (and with the great potential for sin), fear should trump hope as a means of reigning in your desires. And when you're older, and reality sets in (that you will soon stand before your Lord), hope should trump fear and you should hope and pray for Allah's mercy.
Additionally, its all about controlling, defeating, even crushing the nafs and its evil machinations. Humility bound with constant reminders of one's faults is good way to achieve that.
As one saint said, Heaven is but two steps away - first step on your nafs, then step straight into heaven.
That doesn't mean one should live a depressed life, but do realize that the Prophet taught us that this life is indeed a prison for the believer...
BTW Muse, it wasn't God who was yelling and denouncing me, it was the Ka'bah. In fact, afterwards my only recourse was to turn to our Most Compassionate, Loving God, seeking His mercy and consolation.
BismillahirRahmanirRahim
Salamu'alaykum
Why does islam insist on being so angry and bitter and resentful towards the believer? Must we always view ourselves as perpetual failures? Is mentally abusing ourselves a requirement for God's approval?
Islam is too vast to be contained within one expression. And there are many forms of expression which are still at the level that the uninitiated might appreciate, which are both soft and gentle on the ego.
However, it is true that 'struggling', sacrificing is not easy, and its natural to conclude that the greatest Jihad (against the ego) is not going to be easy.
Islam doesn't insist on being angry and bitter and resentful.
What it calls for is removing negative characteristics of the ego: anger, jealously, pride...
It is better to know that 'self-esteem', which yields the result of pride and self-worth, the fuel for anger, jealousy and egoism, is a more subtle and more devious form of mental abuse.
Anyway, modern expressions of this battle against the ego, without a guide or at least a surrounding spiritual culture, are usually misinformed and lose their mark.
Here is an example of a trained expression of love, fear, humbleness, and courage.
http://tinyurl.com/6n2pa9
AA-
@MuslimKid, ""Why does islam insist on being so angry and bitter and resentful towards the believer? ""
But Allah (or Islam) is NOT angry and bitter and resentful towards the believer. It is we who must be angry and bitter against ourselves for having let down our Lord, for having oppressed our selves, for having wronged so many, etc.
@Yursil, "It is better to know that 'self-esteem', which yields the result of pride and self-worth, the fuel for anger, jealousy and egoism, is a more subtle and more devious form of mental abuse."
Well said...I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you bro!
Subhan'Allah, this is an amazing post.
It has changed the way I pray.
Jazak Allah khair and may Allah bless you & accept your supplications!
Beautiful...
Assalamu'alaikum.
This is a great post. Subhanallah!
I have to say that although this post is a very powerful reminder, it also has great comedy value. The way you describe the Ka'ba talking is very, very funny.
Also, to the ppl saying that it is too harsh-I say kudos to Naeem for recognizing his weakness and sins and that although Allah is MOST Merciful, we are all full of sins and wrongdoings, that is how Allah created us. This is similar to the authentic hadith of how the black rock was originally white, but turned white due to the sins of mankind.
Again, great work Naeem.
honestly, the self needs a good mental beating once in a while. we can get so arrogant and conceited when in reality we're just a sad sad cookie. look at how man quickly criticizes his brother, how he wants the best for himself first, how he thinks his way is THE way, etc. you have to have an amazingly strong connection to Allah and always bring your self to account to repel arrogance from your heart.
such a concept in the west is unheard of though. its all about me me me, and doubting yourself or looking down on your faults is considered low self esteem. nothing can be farther from the truth, it takes a strong, clear, eman filled heart to say: HEY, I NEED TO CHANGE, AND I CAN DO IT WITH ALLAH'S HELP.
Shalom
This is a beautiful post.
I never really dropped by to read through your blog. But ma sha Allah bro, I can say you and I are very similar.
This piece was excellent, it definitely has the right mindset in understanding Allah speaks to us in ways more numerous than we ever notice.
If you haven't (and I suspect you have since you wrote this reflective genre of Islamic literature) do take a listen to the Shikwah, and Jawab-e-Shikwah of Allama Iqbal: http://muslimology.wordpress.com/2008/02/05/shikwah-of-allama-iqbal/
I advise everyone to take a listen to it!
AA- Dawud,
"I never really dropped by to read through your blog. But ma sha Allah bro, I can say you and I are very similar."
Welcome bro...I've been a long time reader of your blog, and yes we are similar in many ways.
I love the Shikwah and Jawaab. In fact, I was inspired by them when I wrote this letter to my nafs and its reply. :-)
its the best place that any one wnats to see mashallah
learn quran online, learn qauran online with tajweed
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