Be righteous believers.
That's what I learned from the story of Prophet Musa (as) and Khidr (as). Here are the exact verses from Sura Kahf:
"And as for that young man (killed by Khidr), his parents were [true] believers - whereas we had every reason to fear that he would bring bitter grief upon them by [his] overweening wickedness and denial of all truth: and so we desired that their Sustainer grant them in his stead [a child] of greater purity than him, and closer [to them] in loving tenderness.
And as for that wall, it belonged to two orphan boys [living] in the town, and beneath it was [buried] a treasure belonging to them [by right]. Now their father had been a righteous man, and so thy Sustainer willed it that when they come of age they should bring forth their treasure by thy Sustainer's grace." (18:80-82)
Notice how both incidents dealt with children of righteous parents.
The first case (of the child being killed by Khidr) was Allah's (swt) way of providing for the spiritual well-being of the child (which sadly meant that he be killed). The child was destined for evil and wickedness, but due to the upright character of the parents, Allah (swt) saved them (and the child as well) from such a troublesome destiny.
The second case (of the orphan children and the wall) was Allah's way of providing for the physical well-being of the children. The parents were unable to provide for the children before their untimely death, but due to their righteousness, Allah (swt) found a way for the orphans.
"And whosoever is conscious of God, He grants a way out (of difficulty), and provides for him in a manner beyond all expectation."(65:2-3)
Raising children is never an easy task. There's no science to this most difficult of responsibilities. People have written books, given lectures, held workshops, and done whatever else can be done to guide parents. But in reality, there is no fail-safe method to raising upright, model children.
So what is one to do?
I've seen the most wicked children come from the most pious of homes and vice-versa. It's truly illogical and unpredictable.
In the end, it's not us who are raising the children as much as it's Allah (swt) using us (and everything else) to raise them. If we fulfill our part of the deal by being virtuous, God-conscious servants of our Creator, all the while striving to foster a positive home environment for the children, Allah (swt) will take care of the finishing touches.
In the manner He deems most appropriate.
What do I mean by that last statement? We may conclude that our children are successes or failures based on our standards, but in reality that counts for little. In the end, success/failure is what Allah (swt) decides.
Let me finish with a real example.
Several years ago, back in my community in America, a young man (who I used to teach in Sunday School) got caught up in the wrong crowd and got involved in an extremely messy criminal situation (he was convicted of murder). He was sentenced to life in prison and needless to say, it tore apart the community.
You see, his father was one of the pillars of the community - very pious and well-respected. People failed to understand how it was possible for such a tragedy to befall such a family.
But I sincerely believe that due to the righteous actions of the father, his son was saved from a far worse fate than life in prison (think apostasy or a life full of evil). Instead, the young man is stuck in prison where he has since repented (from what I hear) and is now protected from the evil he may have wrought against himself or others.
So is he a success or a failure?
WAW
3 days ago
9 comments:
Success or failure is determined at death; upon what state did you die?
At the same time, it would terribly heartbreaking for any parent to see their child go down a bad road. Plus, they may not live long enough to see the same child turn their life around for the better.
Parenthood must be tough.
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Masha'Allah you hit the ball out the ballpark with this post bro, beautiful observation! I keep finding new gems from the story of sayydna Musa and Sayidna Khidr(ala Nabiyina wa Alayhim Afdalu salat wa salaam). The Qur'an is, indeed, amazing. may Allah Increase u in knowledge and Nur. and bless you in your family.
Wa salamu alaikum.
If you look at the story of Nuh (as), it's clear that even a prophet, even one of the best prophets, and so the very best of mankind, can still have a child who abandons the righteous path of his father.
Nuh's son chose not to believe in his father's message, and was not allowed into the ark.
Does that reflect poorly on Nuh? Nope.
AA- iMuslim,
"Success or failure is determined at death; upon what state did you die?"
Good point, but the question still stands. Is the son, who will spend his entire life in jail, viewed as a success or a failure by his father, by the community, by himself (assuming he dies as a Muslim)?
Too bad God didnt see fit to kill my (ex)husband as a child...then he wouldnt have grown up to rape his own daughters...God is rather picky about his moral stories isnt He? If he can kill one child to prevent grief to his parents...why not kill all such children that He KNOWS will grow up and cause grief?
AA-
@Amy, indeed the incident of Nuh's son does not reflect poorly on the father (as). More importantly, his being righteous does absolve Prophet Nuh of the mis-choices of his son.
And in the case of a wayward child, I guess that's the best we can ask for.
@CoolRed, I'm guessing that your question is rhetorical and that you have personally found an answer that suits your relationship with your Creator.
To these types of sticky questions, I believe we each much search for our own sense of 'logic' in order to find true inner peace.
Assalamu alaikum Brother Naeem,
Jazak'Allah ul Khair for bringing this to light. Like Brother Ali said now there's another way to understand the beautiful story of Prophet Musa and Khidr (AS). Within that story it is understood that a righteous person's good deeds can bring about unseen benefits (the birth of a righteous child and saving of the other child from a life of evil; the orphans being taken care of by Allah even after their righteous father's death). Also from what I understand from your own story of the son in jail, we actually witness the benefit he had of having a righteous father (he was able to turn his life around because he was raised in a righteous household).
Ultimately another thing we have to understand about these incidents is that they were ways to test the righteous believers by Allah (SWT). They were significant trials meant to see how the righteous believer would respond to their situation, meaning how would the righteous parents respond to the death of their young son, how would the righteous father burying the treasure believe that the treasure would remain safe enough to later be inherited by his children and finally how would a father whose son went to jail respond to such a situation? Would they turn away from Allah because they lost faith or would they instead turn closer to Allah through patience and prayer?
Muslims know that we are each put in various types of situations where our faith is constantly tested. The key is for us to realize that everything (both good and bad) in life is a test and that the only way to pass these tests is through turning closer to Allah (SWT) and through remembering the temporal nature of this life. So you're right to say that the secret to raising kids is through being righteous believers. But what the ultimate condition of our children will be is only known by Allah. We just have to do our part to raise them correctly and to always make du'a for them. After that they have the limited free will to decide what to do with the rest of their lives. If unfortunately they go down the wrong path we should not despair as it is a test for us too. We should instead seek Help from Allah for their guidance and kindly and steadfastly remind them about the reality of this Dunya.
AA- Anon,
"The key is for us to realize that everything (both good and bad) in life is a test and that the only way to pass these tests is through turning closer to Allah (SWT) and through remembering the temporal nature of this life."
Yup, that's it. Like the second verse of Sura Mulk states, Allah (swt) created life and death to test us.
And surely, ALL the different scenarios in life (the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly) are a means of testing us.
Thank you for the excellent comment.
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