The ability to have a reasonable discussion on the positive social ramifications of Islamic polygyny.
Take note all you young, oh-so-naive husbands out there. Don’t attempt this at home. Only trained stooges who have gone through the proper mental beatdown brought on by years of marriage are obtuse enough to ever try this exercise in sheer futility:
Me: You’re really not helping me lose weight with all those cakes you’re constantly baking
W: No one's forcing you to eat them
Me: I know what you’re doing. You just want to plump me up so I get ugly. That way I won’t ever entertain the thought of a second wife. I’m onto you sister. The jig is up!
W: [expletive which I didn’t hear, but was surely muttered], A second wife?! No other woman would be such a glutton for punishment
Me: (smoothly ignoring her remark) Listen, what so wrong with helping a fatherless child?
W: Hah! Helping a fatherless child? You mean helping father a child, you slick pervert.
Me: Not true my sweet honeysuckle princess (not my actual words, but I was thinking them), polygyny, when done with the correct intention is all about helping others.
W: (with a disgust that ought to be reserved for murderers and rapists) Like helping you sick men to some more booty action.
Ouch.
Making use of my well-honed skills for detecting mood changes, perfected by years of nimbly navigating past emotional landmines on the battlefield of marriage, I sensed a shift in her temperament and deftly changed the topic
Me: So tell me, does paper *really* beat out rock? I never really understood that. Cause you know, I can take a sharp rock and do some real damage to a piece of paper...
This conversation was followed by 2 days of the silent treatment.
Oh, and this is concrete proof that she never reads my blog (God knows how she would have reacted to my two posts on Islamic Polygyny).
That being said, if I were to declare to the entire world that her Kheer (Pakistani rice pudding) tastes like wallpaper paste, there would be no negative repercussions.
Sweet!
WAW
2 days ago
15 comments:
Hilarious.
I'm not sure any number of married years, be they fourteen or forty, can afford you a comfortable navigation in those troubled polygyny waters.
Salaam,
Naeem what's wrong with you brother? Don't you love life anymore?!
:)
hehehe..the things u do to entertain your audience!
Arif
My sympathies are with your wife.
As this approach of yours (increasing social acceptance of polygyny) does not seem to be yielding much fruit, how about another one:
How about persuading never-married men to marry divorcees/widows?
It may not carry much benefit for you, Brother Naeem, but you may get some sawab for tackling another social ill.
AA- All,
@UmmFarouq, truer words have yet to be spoken! :-)
@Suroor, I do love life, but I love to push my wife's buttons just a bit more...LOL!
@Arif, I'm glad you find my pain to be entertaining. On second thought, 2 days of the silent treatment isn't all that bad. ;-)
@Mummyjaan,
"My sympathies are with your wife."
Not fair! I'm the one who has to finish up the Kheer everytime. :-(
But seriously, your suggestion is a good one. Removing the social stigma of marrying divorcee/widows is very important and really needs to be addressed fullforce. I agree.
My humble intention with my Polygyny posts was to try and corral it and place some controls on it.
Obviously, we can't completely dismiss multiple marriages. And since people are going to 'indulge', they should be taught the proper etiquettes, IMHO.
HAHA. Funny post and great blog, I'am glad I have come across it.
Salaam,
MT
Ehm, ah how this seems familiar, although for my husband, it's usually re: marrying a widow from Bosnia or a blind woman as charity.
Um no dear, we'll give sadaqa instead.
Salaam -
For someone who has no intention to remarry, Naeem, you sure talk about polygyny a lot.
Naeem, I'm not sure if you are trying to provoke or you are really expressing how you feel. I say since you are there in KSA why don't you just go for seconds and deal with the ramifications from your first wife... but then you will not want to cause pain to the kids involved.
You waited too long to seriously start this subject. 14 years ago was the right time. But I guess you were still wide eyed and bushy-tail behind your current wife. Oh well more power to you for sharing your interactions with your wife on the subject.
For me I have no interest in a second wife. ONE is enough and could sometimes seem like two depending on the day or better yet I can experience having two wives in the same day depending on her mood at that time
-F
AA-
@MT Akbar, welcome to the blog bro!
@Rahma, haha...good one. I've never considered it as charity though...that does come off as a bit pretentious, no?
@Amy, your point? :-)
@F, uh oh, I guess I need to make my stance more clear. Actually, you took the words outta my mouth. My dear wife is MORE than enough for me...and yeah, she can be like two wives depending on her mood. LOL!
But seriously, this is not about me. I'm really trying to increase awareness on this subject of Islamic polygyny. I really wish young Muslims would get over the negative stigma associated with polygyny done right.
But of course, its not my #1 priority...there are SO many more important issues to address...
Naeem's got a death wish :p
I think it's important that responsible/balanced Muslims bring the issue of polygyny to the discourse.
Overwhelmingly, irrational/emotional arguments deeply influenced by the feminist movement seem to affect our outlook on polygyny (regardless of gender).
Based on the comments alone one could see how "difficult" a topic it is to even discuss even with no intentions of actually doing it.
One doesn't necessarily have to do it but far too often is it relegated as NOT being an option due to the social stigma around it much to the harm of individuals and communities.
Perhaps there wouldn't be as many divorcees/widows if the community was more mature about these issues?
AA- MrEspy,
Good point, but how do you reconcile that with Mummyjaan's call for single men to marry the divorced and widowed? Why not address *that* social stigma?
Why not work on the social expectations of needing a boatload of money before one can be an eligible bachelor?
Especially in the Middle East where soo many young men aren't getting married due to the great financial burdens. This recent NY Times article highlights the plight of the Egyptian youth.
How about creating funds allocated to help those wanting to get married?
Hey, as usual I'm late! But why do women who do not have any interest in being part of a polygamous marriage have to be labeled feminist? I am no feminist and I for one hate them but I don't want to be a part of the male ego tripping (MOSTLY) that you all call polygamy! Do you men (MOSTLY) think that we don't know what we want and we need you to convince us that what we want is to be in a multiple partner marriage??? There are PLENTY of willing females, so why don't you go preach to the choir?
I have a friend who is always talking about it and I told him that it's a PATHETIC excuse not to educate the brothers who are straying and not to give dawah to new ones so they can marry all these women! If you bros were doing your job, there wouldn't be so many women without husbands, no matter how pathetic they are!
~SAHRA
Naeem ... Naeem ...Naeem... You got to stop talking about this son. This time it was 2 days of silent treatment, next time, I have a feeling it will be 20 weeks. I know you agree with me on this, Allah blessed, hold on your blessings son. I agree with the comment how about persuading never-married men to marry divorced/widows instead of causing more divorces? Umm Samer
Post a Comment