I want to look at two kinds of married couples, the technically married and the passionately married.
The technical marriage consists of a couple who is fulfilling the legal obligations of the relationship but is notably devoid of any mutual feelings. Either for the sake of the children or for saving face in the community, they have chosen to remain together, even though they can barely stand each other.
The husband fulfills the bare minimum of his responsibilities by going to work, paying the bills, playing with the kids, and running the occasional errand. The love he once expressed towards his bride is long gone, replaced by a deep disdain for the woman he now lives with. For better or for worse, he has chosen to continue this façade.
The woman is equally disgusted with her partner, carrying out just enough of her wifely duties to convince society that she is content with her marital arrangements. She will cook the food, clean the house, and even force a smile on her face when seen in public with the man said to be her husband. But deep down she has no feelings of love towards the father of her children.
On the other end of the spectrum, the passionate marriage has two individuals madly in love with each other. When apart, they dream of the moment they will reunite. They have ceased to be a married couple and have become true lovers.
The husband constantly finds excuses for not going out with his friends, choosing instead the company of his soulmate. He looks for different ways to express his love, fearful of any letup in the raging wildfire of their passion. He continuously searches for the perfect gifts to express his love, always finding one better than the last one. Those rare moments when she expresses disappointment with him seem like an eternity, resulting in a flurry of attempts to alleviate her concerns.
The wife counts down the minutes until her husband returns from work and uncontrollably weeps when he is late. Hours with her sweetheart pass like the moment between two breaths. A smile from her lover melts her heart and transports her into a different dimension.
Those whom he loves have become beloved to her and conversely those whom she loves have become beloved to him. Their hearts pulsate in harmony, skipping a beat only when the other is mentioned.
Ponder over these two relationships and how contrasting they are.
I haven't brought up these two marriages in order to psycho-analyze the dynamics of a husband-wife relationship. Rather, my intention is to use these very concrete examples to examine our relationship with Allah (swt).
Most of us maintain a strict business relationship with Allah more in line with the former than the latter. We look to quickly fulfill our minimum obligations, nary a thought of performing the supererogatory (nawafil) acts. We dread talking to Him (in our prayers) and pay no attention when He speaks to us (through the Quran). We maintain the outer shell of this relationship so society does not speak ill of us, knowing full well that no real feelings exist between us and Allah.
Ya Allah!
How I wish to be in a passionate relationship with You! How I wish to be Your beloved and make You my beloved! What I would do to have my heart tremble in love at the mere mention of Your name! (The Believers are those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a tremor in their hearts, 8:2)
How I wish to regularly mention Allah to my acquaintances, in hope of Him mentioning me in the company of His angels - like the two lovers who cannot stop talking about each other to their friends!
Why can't I build a relationship of undying love with the Ever-Living, throwing aside all my worldly one night stands with the ever-dying? (The believers are most intense in their love for Allah, 2:165)
Why don't I rush to awaken from my nightly sleep to be alone with Him? Why do my embarrassingly short prayers seem soo prolonged? Why does His book seem soo imposing? Why is my charity so calculated? Does not the lover thoughtlessly empty his pockets for the beloved?
Why don't I uncontrollably weep at the thought of being away from Him? Why do I love what I want to love, turning my back on what He loves?
Where has the passion gone in the one relationship that truly matters?
Just don’t call it genocide
1 week ago
15 comments:
Wow... The first half of the article, I was thinking, 'here's another one of Naeem's blogs where he is venting his marital frustrations, knowing his wife won't read it', but man, you proved me wrong! I liked how you re-directed the focus. May Allah bless us all with an undying love for Him. Ameen.
Jazakallah for the post. I truly feel guilty for not trying to build a strong relationship with my creator.
I hope Allah gives us all taufeeq to act on these words. Ameen.
I pray that Allah blesses you with Jannah.
BismillahirRahmanirRahim
Salamu'alaykum Naeem,
I think that you touch an important point in a very practical manner. Our relationship with our Lord should be very critical to us, yet it is constantly neglected.
The difference is the husband and wife know each other once, and the relationship begins from there.
But do we really know our Lord? Have we really had a relationship with Him for it to even wear thin? Divine knowledge and faith never grows stale... so was our initial enthusiasm towards faith a trick of ego? was it ultimately...self love and preoccupation under the guise of faith?
The Sufis made the building of a real relationship with Allah, and hence a manifest experience of faith to be of utmost priority.
The tools they used are vast and alhamdullilah still at our disposal.
ok besdies the uncontrollable weeping part on the part of the wife(i mean c'mon dude..if all wives in love did that every single time..that'd be kind of an emotional rollercoaster). :-)
but wow the article was amazing.
Salaam Naeem,
Thank you for this beautiful post!
AA- Yursil,
Subhan’Allah! I was actually thinking of ending my post with a short clause ‘If that passion was even there to begin with’, but you summed it up much more nicely.
I totally agree with you that the passion is a level that we all must aspire to. Thanks for highlighting that.
Assalamu alaikum Naeem,
Nicely done post Naeem. If we taste the sweetness of our sincere relationship with Allah azza wa jall, we will never let it die. The key is to taste that sweetness. May He Almighty bless us all to worship Him in the way He is pleased with, Ameen. By the way Naeem, your wife reads your blogs!!!!
Bismillah. AA. Naeem, I love this post for I often ponder this same thing. I really believe that relying on Allah, truly putting our trust in Him swt is what makes the difference. Allah swt wants us to love Him more than anything or anyone, much as our spouses do. We often get distracted by life and the duties that we have and forget to focus on Allah, much as we forget to with our spouses. Just like in a marriage, if you want to keep love alive, you've got to make time, right? You cannot expect to keep the same relationship or to increase the love if you don't both agree that you gotta hang out.
When it's time for salah, I try to say to myself that this is MY time with Allah and I'm going to enjoy it, no matter if I'm at home with four screaming kids or at work with dozens of deadlines. It is really hard but those moments are so peaceful and you can feel that Allah is watching you and knows what is in your heart. Allah is always waiting for us though we are the created and He the Creator. Like an infinitely merciful parent to a wayward child.
I also think of Ibrahim, AS, who was the friend of Allah swt. It is such an inspiration to read about how he foresook all for the love of Allah swt. What a beautiful example of the reliance we should place in our Lord.
I pray that Allah swt increases the love in our hearts for Him through salah and ebaada and we are among those that please Him, ameen.
~Sahra
asalaam alaikum,
had no idea where you were going at first depicting those 2 extreme examples, but when it turned you expressed thoughts i think we all need to slow down for and digest. there is no greater love than the love for Allah and sometimes it seems like we are almost there..while most other times it's rote. its a constant jihad, may Allah rectify ourselves so that we are not only talking the talk and are of the strongest of mumineen..ameen
may Allah reward you..
Let it be on the record this post has made me reconnected with Allah again. After a long long long time, I finally could shed tears while my head touched my praying mat.
Great Brnaeem. Your posts always manage to make me think and rethink.
AA-
@Azlin, Welcome to the blog. Glad to read that this post made a difference.
@Muse, Nice to see that I made a lawyer (who's on her way to passing the bar, IA-) think (and rethink!)... :-P
AA-
@Sahra, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@Suhaa, "there is no greater love than the love for Allah and sometimes it seems like we are almost there..while most other times it's rote. its a constant jihad,"
Couldn't have said it better myself!
u da man!
Subhan-Allah. A beautiful, thought-provoking post!
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