that friends who go out of their way to tell you that they love you *for the sake of Allah* don't really love you??
It's like they're saying, 'Dude, I'm telling you I love you not because I'm gay or anything, but because I'm looking to score some good deeds. So don't sweat it - we cool.'
I just find the exercise of adding 'for the sake of Allah' after a powerful sentiment such as 'I love you' to be defensive and even a tad bit disingenuous.
Why add that last part? Why not simply say to the friend, 'hey bro, I love you'? Are you afraid your feelings will be interpreted in a homoerotic manner? Are the words 'I love you' trademarked for Valentine's Day paraphernalia? Are those three words to be uttered only between sexual lovers?
It's as if, by adding 'for Allah's sake', the statement is transformed from one bursting with deep spiritual affection into an indifferent, non-sentimental, business-like gesture. It becomes void of emotional investment. It becomes dry and mechanical - in the same we perform our acts of worship.
Sure, I know the various ahadith on the matter of loving one another purely for the sake of Allah. So, yes, we should all strive for creating bonds of love between each other, independent of worldly benefits and favors.
But c'mon people, such relationships aren't simply established by invoking a few words - they are born from sincere action and emotion.
So next time you feel the urge to tell your fellow Muslim that you love him/her, try it with just those three words and save the intention for where it belongs - in your heart.
WAW
3 days ago
14 comments:
AA,
I guess we are by nature products of our environment.
In the West men don't say 'I love you' to one another thus the '...for the sake of Allah' disclaimer to make sure its understood in the right context.
In the Muslim world men hold hands as a sign of friendship...you couldn't get away with that in the West..
Like I said, we are the products of our environment.
Great post!
What about husbands who say that to their wives?
@ Gooner: In the West men don't say 'I love you' to one another thus...Wa 'alaikum salaam.
Unless you're like "Johnny" in the old Bud Light "I love you, man" commercials. ;)
If a hadith has this specific phrase, why change it? There are many worldly reasons you can love. If a man says to you in all seriousness that he loves you, wouldn't that be a bit awkward in the society we live in today?
Salam
I suggest we stop nitpicking- if a brother says he loves you for the sake of Allah, it's a sign of affection.
Unless you can open his chest & see his heart for what it is, assume the best for your brother.
I think you guys are being a bit cynical towards BrNaeem.
What he said makes sense, not that what you guys are saying doesn't but I understand the argument.
It is true, that when you say "I love you" to the person and then justify it by adding, "for the sake of Allah" you kind of do lose the fruitfulness that you you love that person because of who they are and their good deeds and their character/morals.
On the other hand, you guys are right that no matter what, if you love somebody just purely for the sake of Allah, that is perfectly fine.
-The Muslim Kid-
AA-
@Gooner, good point. I would also add that in Arabic there is no way to say 'like', as in 'I like you'. There is only love (hubb) and other forms of love or desire (mawadda), so when someone says 'I love you' in Arabic, it can mean 'I like you', 'I really like you', or 'I love you'.
@Espy, not sure if they'll get a good deed, but they'll definitely get a mean stare down.
@JD, LOL! Now can you please explain your reference to all the under 30 crowd here? :-)
@BJ, actually, not ALL the hadith references include 'for the sake of Allah', although its understood that the Prophet (saw) is teaching us to love each other *for Allah's sake*.
Also, since when does the level of awkwardness in today's society decide what we do or don't do?
@Anon, not nitpicking, its more like a pet peeve. :-) Just sharing an observation.
@MK, waitta get my back bro! But then you ruined it all when you said: "On the other hand, you guys are right..."
Pick a side MK! Either I'm right or they're wrong...which is it?!?!?!
BismillahiRahmanirRahim
Salamu'alaykum,
Or they are being extremely passive-aggressive. I encountered dialogue with someone who was openly attacking me, my personality, my beliefs, the company I keep... and with his closing line would always add the 'love you for the sake of Allah'.
Yursil is referring to me. I love you Yursil!
Politicians, can't trust em. At least hate me honestly Espy!
I think it is great if you love someone for the sake of Allah. Fine I get it.
I actually feel hurt though because it is like a *struggle* for you to love me then?
Like you do not *really* love me at all if not for the sake of Allah and extra blessings for you.
Note that "you" equals the person who says to me "I love you for the sake of Allah" and not the author of this b l o g, it is "you" in general as a person saying this to me.
blah. I am not even a lawyer.
I cannot wrap my mind around what it means to love for the sake of Allah. To me its like saying "Islam is a religion of peace." Its like...yess...but what does that mean??
AA-
@Iscintillating, "I actually feel hurt though because it is like a *struggle* for you to love me then?"
That's an interesting perspective. While simply saying 'I love you' comes off as natural and heartfelt, the adding 'for the sake of Allah' does make it seem forced and an act of struggle.
That's why Espy's comment was funny - saying such a statement between spouses would result in some heated moments for sure. :-)
@Muse, Good point...We Muslims have become zombie-like slaves to these types of empty statements. We say them without even thinking, simply repeating what we've heard in khutbahs or read in books.
Because your gone -tear-, I was looking at your older posts...
I just reread this, the first sentence has the essence of this whole post.
"that friends who go out of their way to tell you that they love you *for the sake of Allah* don't really love you??"
Simple: they don't really love you for the sake of Allah. I know exactly what you mean.
To me, it reminds me of the empty, "inshallah", "mashallah" and "takbir". When people say it without any feeling.
I wonder how long you will remain.
[I deactivated my facebook account, I went cold-turkey on it. It's been more than a week now. I feel happy]
-The Muslim Kid-
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