Stuck in a crumbling marriage with Billy Bob, poor Mary Lou is constantly wavering between the lows of physical violence and the highs of sweet love - abundantly showered on her by a suddenly remorseful husband.
While she knows that Billy Bob loves her to death, a fact unrealized by her friends and family, she fears those moments when his inner demons incite him to let loose on her petite frame.
Like that evening last weekend, when little Johnny broke daddy's favorite beer mug. Mary Lou pleaded in vain, begging her high school sweetheart to simply buy another mug. But the backlash was swift and severe. Billy Bob’s eyes turned bright red and with one fell swoop, he planted Mary Lou on her back with a deep blue bruise on her side to serve as memorabilia.
Or like the time two weeks ago, when Betty Sue from down the street dropped by for an unannounced visit. While she may be as nice as apple pie on a Sunday afternoon, Betty Sue just doesn't know when to quit talking. So she ended up leaving right before Billy Bob came home, causing Mary Lou to rush dinner; and in her haste, she burned the casserole.
Billy Bob didn’t take too kindly to the sentiment. She tried to explain that Betty Sue the neighborhood chatterbox had come over unexpectedly but that only increased his fury, resulting in a ferocious slap to the back and a quick punch to the face.
Pastor Buck has regularly provided them with counseling, constantly calling on Billy Bob to withhold quick judgments and temper his anger – but to no avail. The beating has only intensified at every perceived slight to his fragile manhood.
Mayor Jones even got involved, at the behest of Mary Lou’s mother. But no bigwig from Town Hall, driving a big car and spouting even bigger words in some official statement is changin’ Billy Bob’s wayward ways.
Mary Lou’s family has consistently pleaded for her to leave the scoundrel. The gifts he showers you with are no consolation for the misery he has heaped upon you, they cry. But she keeps holding out, in hopes that next time Billy Bob’s tears will be genuine and his promise to rehabilitate himself will be legitimate.
*****
The more I think about it, the more I can’t help but compare the plight of the American Muslim community to the sufferings of poor Mary Lou.
In the postmortem analysis of the tragic shootings in Texas, the situation bears an uncanny resemblance to the tension felt moments before an abusive husband’s foreseeable outburst:
1. An unfortunate incident involving Muslims has lit the fire in the American landscape with media talking heads inciting the masses to question every American Muslims' loyalties.
2. Leaders of the Muslim community have come out with all sorts of statements in hopes of forestalling an Islamophobic backlash.
3. Politicians and religious leaders have released official statements calling on the American community to temper bottled-up frustrations and withhold judging the wider Muslim American community.
4. All the while, American Muslims are legitimately fearful of the impending backlash from the wider American citizenry with whom they wish simply to coexist peacefully.
And this sad cycle has repeated itself countless number of times since the inception of the Global War on Terror.
So the question remains – Should Mary Lou leave this roller coaster relationship with Billy Bob or cling to the hope that they can find a way to coexist and maybe even live happily ever after?
WAW
4 days ago
13 comments:
Asssalamu alaikum,
Interesting analogy you have here. I would say first of all that American Muslims should turn towards Allah for help and guidance first of all through extra prayers and supplications (as well as other nafl deeds).
Next they should analyze their situation carefully. Do they legitimately fear any sort of danger emanating from anywhere? Danger to their lives, property, families? If so I would say it's best to physically move out of that situation as soon as possible.
If no immediate danger exists then they should continue living life normally again and if possible become more active in their communities. Speak out against this act of violence (but also bring to light that this specific act of violence was in reaction to the wars and Americans should start seriously evaluating the purpose of these wars are they seriously worth it?) And perform community outreach activities (inviting neighbors to an banquet held by local Islamic center, lecturing at local schools and religious organizations, etc). That's what I've been thinking might be best to do. What do you think?
I'd just like to add that community outreach can only be performed if you feel the community you live in is open minded towards it. If you don't know this or fear that the community you live in is closed minded, then you just live your life on your own.
Where do Muslims native to America go in your analysis? I hear this rant all the time about Muslims living in America and it always presupposes that all Muslims in America are immigrants.
AA- RCHOUDH,
You make some good points. I honestly don't think that American Muslims are fearing their lives. But abuse isn't only about life/death. It's not restricted to the physical - it can be emotional and psychological as well.
WRT community outreach, I'm not convinced on its usefulness, especially in the face of constant media onslaught the feeds on demonizing Muslims. The general public simply doesn't have the patience to hear our message of peace and tolerance, when its so much easier to fall for the anti-Muslim propaganda.
I agree with Sophister. The assumption that Muslim=foreign is part of problem. I've been a Muslim for nearly 18 years and never have now or ever feel like victim or afraid for my safety.
I believe this mostly is an immigrant mental disease. Because most immigrants feel out of place they live with a fear of being sent back home and continuing lloking for signs why this may happen.
I don't have this fear. As well as know from experiences talk is just that...talk. No one is going hurt or abuse me for being a Muslim.
If I may clarify when I talked about moving I didn't necessarily mean moving abroad to another country. Moving may entail moving cross country for example (from West to East and vice versa). Some parts of the US may be less integrated and amenable to minorities, Muslims included. And you don't have to move because of threats to your life; I had a cousin in Texas who worked for under a racist boss. He clearly showed his racism towards Muslims; she finally left that job as soon as she landed another one. So basically I meant move in a general fashion.
I see what you're saying Br. Naeem about how much dialogue can (or can't) accomplish. I guess what I should have mentioned was that community involvement doesn't just have to be about lectures and presentations about Islam. Other actions can help you to become active in the community, such as food drives, volunteer work, neighborhood crime watch, etc. Just ways for people to know who you are and that you're there to be friends and to help. Of course it also depends on the type of community you live in. I grew up in NYC and so there are no real close knit communities there (even Muslims in NYC aren't close knit).
AA- Sophister,
Firstly, I'm not calling for a mass exodus by American Muslims. I don't believe the circumstances call for such an extreme measure. As I mentioned (and Hamza21 reiterated), Muslims aren't fearing for their lives or livelihood. Such a level of persecution doesn't exist (and Insha'Allah it won't). But the fear of that happening surely does. Recent history tells us so.
That being the case, let me address your specific point. I have heard the argument you bring up (where do proponents of hijra expect the millions of indigenous American Muslims to go?) and I seriously think its a red herring.
Because when it comes down to it, the decision one makes to move overseas (or cross-country as RCHOUDH stated above) need only consider one's family and not the entire community of American Muslims. We have not been given the responsibility to build an ark large enough for everybody (a burden that Allah would only give to a prophet) - we each need worry for our own selves.
So when I personally decided to move, I wasn't burdened by the logistics of migrating millions of my fellow American Muslims. The same is applicable to each and every individual.
Secondly, when push comes to shove, and that reference point is different for each person, he/she will find a way out. Every year, millions of indigenous nationals leave their motherland in search of greener pastures or fleeing for their safety. So why is it so unthinkable for millions of Americans to make a similar move for the sake of their wellbeing?
AA- Hamza21,
I disagree that this is a immigrant issue. Sure, they would be the first to face the brunt of any witch-hunts, due to the ability of many indigenous Muslims to 'blend in', but that isn't always the case - what with so many choosing to wear their faith on their sleeves (or on their heads in the case of the hijab).
"I don't have this fear. As well as know from experiences talk is just that...talk. No one is going hurt or abuse me for being a Muslim."
And I sincerely pray that such talk never turns to violence, but is it impossible? Have not incidents of abuse (physical, verbal, etc.) taken place against Muslims in America? Has not American history shown us what extreme steps the nation is capable of taking against its minorities?
Again, I repeat that I'm not declaring it haram to live in the US nor making it compulsory on every Muslim to migrate. That isn't necessary for the vast majority. But God forbid, if the situation ever becomes so unbearable, the problem is easily addressed by simply packing your bags and leaving. Its actually quite easy (tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of American Muslim families do it every year and millions take such a step around the world).
But one other point that you and Sophister need to recognize when bringing up this argument (where you create this division between indigenous and immigrant Muslims) is the inability of so many 'immigrant' Muslims to 'go back home'.
Many second generation American Muslims have become so disconnected from the country of their grand/parents that its simply inconceivable for them to ever migrate back. Thus, the challenge of moving is not only applicable to Black/White/Hispanic Muslims, but just as well to Pakistani/Arab Muslims who have very litte to no connection to their parent's motherland.
A point to note: Brother Naeem.
If the Muslims in the West is the battered wife, what about the Muslims in the East?
Can I also not, legitimately using the irony in this article, compare them to the concubines or misstresses of this husband - Billy Bob?
After all, the Muslims of the East don't ever come to the aid of the Muslims of the West, always WANT to be married to Billy Bob at some time, are too content protecting their own home with gifts and kindnesses bestowed by Billy Bob, wilfully service Billy Bob for more gifts and "friendship", and also live in fear of abandonment or rage from Billy Bob?
Something to think about.
AA- Mezba,
Excellent point! I did give that some thought when writing this post. Muslims in the East can fit the role of the spurned girlfriend, who foolishly yearns to be with Billy Bob. Or they can be the passive family member of Mary Lou, who looks the other way, hoping the abuse will simply go away.
Thanks for the insightful comment!
Interesting conversation - appears to me that We are not of the East, nor of the West, no boundaries exist in our breasts :)
Nice point, Mezba.
aa,
Yeah but living in Saudi, you can do much dawah either nor have freedoms to do so like you do in the US. You can live a 2nd class Islamic life but in a different sort of box...
wa
Salmaan
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