Scene A:
Young Muslim wife 'discovers' that Islam has empowered her with the freedom of keeping her wealth for herself, freeing her of any financial responsibilities towards her family. She relishes this newfound freedom, especially in the face of constant criticism that Islam is misogynistic and Muslim women are oppressed.
She is keen to constantly remind her husband of this Islamic ruling by repeating the new Muslim feminist mantra 'My money is mine, your money is ours!'
Ugly divorce ensues in three...two...one...
=====
We've all seen this play out across many Muslim communities (all except for that last part, since many husbands don't take their wives too seriously and simply gloss over this expression of immaturity, choosing rather to continue toiling in support of their families).
This Muslim-feminist-dream-come-true is starting to bother me.
While the sisters are technically correct in standing up for their rights (a right too often suppressed in many Muslim countries where patriarchal systems dominate), they overlook the fact that the husband has refrained from calling upon his rights over his money.
You see, the man's money is not completely that of the family's. The duty of the man is to provide for his family's needs. You know, the basic stuff like food, clothing, shelter, education, health care, and so on.
Upon fulfillment of his obligation, the rest of the money is HIS.
His obligation does not include that dream vacation you guys are planning for this summer.
Nor does it include that Coach bag you've been eyeing for the past several months.
Nor does it include your latest trip to the hair salon.
Additionally, he technically does not have to consult you on how he chooses to spend the remaining balance of his money. The fact that he does so is his way of placing the sanctity of a harmonious marriage over the technical issues of Islamic law.
You should try doing the same.
WAW
3 days ago
16 comments:
Hilarious! I'm a sister...insha'allah not a selfish one and I think you're spot on. However I feel this overzealous, slightly feminist, mindset has developed because over time many of the rights of females have been seriously neglected, so in an effort to claim something, anything that we can control, women may go a little far in thinking that everything you earn/own - she is entitled to. I believe Shaykh Hamza Yusuf mentions this in the responsibilities of marriage lectures and you are correct in saying that those added luxuries like make up, hair cuts and Coach bags (ooohhh) will have to come out of your own purse sisters!
"I feel this overzealous, slightly feminist, mindset has developed because over time many of the rights of females have been seriously neglected"
You may be right! I hope... I hope and pray it gets better for all of us brothers and sisters in the near future, inshaAllah.
LOL My husband likes to remind me of this too once in awhile (like when I want to buy something out of fancy)! He also likes to tell me that I'm richer than him due to the immense dowry my parents set him up to pay for me and the money I earn from work!
BrNaeem, must you always ruin the tranquility and bring out the forgotten facts?
Just kidding. Lol.
Your right but I think that families should be strong and they should spend money together, be united in terms of everything, including finance, you shouldn't have a relationship where you need to claim your stake, that could be a dangerous thing..
Everyone lives with the same money, everyone is happy.
Sometimes I get frustrated so much with life and then I think , wow My dad is really like a hero.
He wakes up in the morning to drop me to school after coming home from work. he works and the money supports my family, he is one of those people who doesn't spend much in terms of himself and I find it amazing how people can be like that. I find that true for a lot of Desi fathers.
Btw My point is, families should work together and the women shouldn't be saying I want my blah blah blah, or the man saying, this much is mine blah blah.
Oh and that "Contemporary Muslim Woman" article was a good read.
-The Muslim Kid
AA-
@Kelly, "you are correct in saying that those added luxuries like make up, hair cuts and Coach bags (ooohhh) will have to come out of your own purse sisters!"
But I'm not suggesting that. In fact, I feel that many husbands enjoy spoiling their wives in that it increases love and strengthens the bond of the marriage. It's just that when the wife begins to get all legal, it ruins the sweetness...
@Anon, "..and the money I earn from work!"
So does he keep his money for himself, after he's taken care of the family expenses? Does he consider that HIS money? Very curious to hear your perspective...
@MuslimKid, "you shouldn't have a relationship where you need to claim your stake, that could be a dangerous thing.."
You are indeed wise beyond your years. Masha'Allah.
on a legal note it is providing for her in what she is used to as well. It is about cooked food, not food items ect ect.
Leaving marriages to technicalities and legal deductions is a doomed marriage.
Dear Brother Naeem,
He definitely keeps alot of the money he earns after spending it on us:) He has relatives to support back in the Desh so he usually saves up money for that. He also tries to save money for emergency expenses. And he also asks me to help him make big purchases like cars, computers, etc. He still likes to spoil us once in awhile too of course, by taking us out to eat and buying us gifts sometimes!
Salam
Another great article :)
Brother I am worried about your safety :)
I have been working on and off through out the 15+ years of marriage and have never thought of this :) May be I am slow:)It has always been our money, our responsiblilties, our stuff instead of mine and yours (except when it comes to chocolate then its definitely mine, MINE :) )
But seriously arent husband and wife refered as each other garments? Some sisters have more love/compassion for their Muslim activities then they have for their own house and relative - and yes relatives do include inlaws :)
I have to agree with Br.Naeem, Muslimkid you are Mashallah very mature for your age.May Allah swt make you successful , Ameen.
Wasalam
UmmOsman
as I have said for over a long time, Islam has oppressed men.
Now of course, you have set us free! :-)
AA-
@Nzingha, "Leaving marriages to technicalities and legal deductions is a doomed marriage."
And *that* is the crux of my post. While also getting a dig at my fellow sisters. :-)
@UmmOsman, "Brother I am worried about your safety :)"
No worries sis, my wife gets enough of my real world drivel that she never bothers with my online drivel!
"It has always been our money, our responsiblilties, our stuff instead of mine and yours"
And that would explain the 15+ years of your marriage. Masha'Allah!
@Meza, Awesome post bro! We men really need all the help we can get against our tyrannical counterparts...I'm just glad to be doing my part. ;-)
i think yur 'spot on ' too.
i actualy kinda get irritated at how feministic sisters get.
like i'm gona work, im not gona contribute and then u (the husband) has to help at home cuz its the sunnah :-)
how advantageous. lol
aapparently there's opinions that if the wife works , the husband has the right to ask for some of her income. made sense to me cuz in reality when a woman works, the household does go through changes, so it would make sense that if the other members of the household have to contribute more to make up for the work the women is doing outside, then its only fair that she contribues.
cuz technically that izz her duty.
ummabdullah
Gosh. I don't know what to say to this, living in a part of the world where I have encountered some of the greatest runners-after-the-dunya. I think one of the main problems that strikes marriages here is that finances are not discussed, at least not finances that will have an impact on the couple during marriage. Dowries, trousseaus, new wardrobes, furnished flats, and big wedding parties seem to set the stage for what is to come.
But then 'it' doesn't come because the poor guy starts out the marriage in debt up to his eyeballs.
So wrong!
I think a great deal of this selfishness is due to a reaction against western feminism - ie we are not down-trodden Muslimahs but rather empowered women who don't need feminism as we have all the laws of Sharia that we can use to batter our husband around the head with - whilst it may be correct, it is not diplomatic to do this in a marraige continuously.
On the subject of feminism - I recommend an excellent post up on UmmahPulse.com about it - a must read for men and women alike,-
http://www.ummahpulse.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=504:barbie-girls-and-barmy-muslims&catid=22:jumahpulses&Itemid=71
My husband must be off a different planet then - he ends up compensating what I spend from my own pocket (read trivial shopping spree's) w/o me even asking him to!
AA- Sumera,
Ha! Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me! I will resist your sorcery in attempting to make me feel guilty.
Try selling your snake oil somewhere else!
:-)
"tyrannical counterparts" - man, you have got to give me your wife's mobile number :D You are in BIG trouble for writing this.
Sumera tried to help but you refused. Don't say we didn't warn you :D
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