I was reading about what we Muslims of immigrant parents are losing being raised in the West and I'm becoming more and more convinced that our current lifestyle is passing on very little of value to our children.
Although I was raised my entire life in the US, my parents maintained, not out of any sense of cultural preservation but more out of reflexive habits I believe, an environment wherein certain etiquettes and positive tendencies were instilled in me. I am not a cultural supremacist. I am not asserting any one Muslim culture over another. What I am saying is that the American (and Western in general) culture has not yet developed an Islamic persona which can be inculcated into our future generations. Therefore, it is of the utmost priority that we do our best to retain Islamic values that are inherent to our cultural heritage.
I am not discussing the more controversial issues of unIslamic cultural baggage that too often get conflated with Islamic teachings – such as misogynistic practices, arranged marriages (against the will of the involved parties), and sectarian discord. I am referring to the discreet yet extremely significant habits and propensities which embellish our Islamic identity. These practices are the window dressings of our Islamic tradition. In fact, without Islam these cultural customs that I talk so highly of would probably be laudable, but in the end, inconsequential. It is their reinforcement by the Islamic teachings of the Quran/Sunnah that have given the space to these disparate cultures to flourish and establish such beautiful habits.
Furthermore, I do find a critical difference between nostalgic reminiscing about grandma’s homemade halwa or playing stick ball with the cousins and my celebrating the positive cultural nuances that are sadly withering away right before our eyes. Times change and surely we can never bring back the beautiful memories and innocent recollections of our youth. However, certain moral values ought to stand the test of time, regardless of the various migratory paths that humans may take.
Allow me to stroll down the halls of my upbringing, sharing with you some examples of what I wish to communicate:
As I was growing up, I fondly recall the required respect we had to have for not only our elders (‘Aunties and Uncles’), but also some of our own peers, who may have been just a month older. Conversely, I remember taking advantage of said principle by requiring my underlings to refer to me as ‘Naeem bhai’.
I recall my parents always upholding the highest standards of hayaa whereby they never shared PDA (Public Displays of Affection) in front of us (and here I'm referring to simply hugging or holding hands, nothing even remotely comparable to the reprehensible actions perpetrated in front of their children by parents of the West).
I remember never getting socially comfortable around my sisters and their female friends. I don't recall ever being told explicitly by my father, but it somehow was understood that we didn't mix with them. I'm guessing it had alot to do with the segregated social functions that made it abundantly clear where we were and were not allowed to go.
I remember the adaab of eating collectively with the family, sitting on the ground, and regularly eating with our hands - no such concept as fast food in our home!
I remember always speaking to my parents in Urdu (as broken as my attempts may have been) even though we would talk to each other in English.
I remember my father's home having its door always open to guests. Living next door to the masjid gave us the unique opportunity to host countless number of families over the years.
And throughout my childhood, my parents never ever explicitly stated these practices as being Islamic teachings – they just were part of my parent’s identity. Although my father was aware of his Islamic self, he didn’t sit the family together on the ground for dinner with any Sunnah of the Prophet in mind – as I mentioned above, it was more out of habit (i.e. that's the way his father did it). And that's the beauty of it all – our various cultures from back home have so much integrated Islamic norms into the daily life that it is scandalous when anyone fails to abide by them.
You don’t believe me? Don’t try walking around my grandfather’s house eating or drinking while standing unless you want his cane upside your head!
WAW
2 days ago
9 comments:
AA
How's it going?
Nice read,
In another email you said something to the effect of missing the "slow-paced" lifestyle of Pakistan...
Question - this "tension ki baat nai hai" approach to life hasn't really held Pak in good stead has it...everything gets postponed to tomorrow, or when someone feels like it, because, ultimatley, "tension ki baat nai hai"...surely there should be a line drawn somewhere.
Sayyidina Omar (RA) was a great advocate against procrascination, look how much he achieved in his 10-year caliphate...
I guess what i'm trying to say is, that "slow-paced" lifestyle you talk of (and I too love it when i go back for a visit, because it's refreshing)...isn't it a detriment to "progress"...?
This current post was a good read - can totally relate to it, except for the cane upside the head...thanks for the advice
WS
Saqib
As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatu,
Haha, I'm glad you liked my post! :P
Masha'Allah, I think your post has added quite a few good points as well... your last sentence made me smile and remember my own grandparents! :)
-Mouse
AA
Good insights as usual, but i'll disagree to a certain extent, you are so negative, well not to that degree that i'd like to think you are but it makes for better arguements like when we first compared our respective hajj's.
Look at all the cultural garbage that is unislamic that we brought to america from India/Pakiland. Wedding/engagement related activities come to mind. Went to a hindu wedding this past weekend and it was further confirmation of how we indo/pak muslims have adopted things like the barat, shoestealing, and mehndi crapfest into our traditions. The women are at fault for doing these things and men are equally at fault for allowing it to happen. But back to my point, I bet there are other cultural garbage things that current indo/pak's in India/Pakiland are doing right now and they arent in a Western country. On the contrary I get a truer sense of brotherhood here in the States bec muslims from all countries are more interactive than back in the motherland. Our western lifestyle is teaching us to be more inclusive and diverse.
You are definitely right about PDA and the mixing of of females/males, that's totally gone out of hand, there's no respect anymore in that sense. I don't know about you, but i still like eating on the ground with my own hands, but that's a cultural guju thing i think :)
I dont know if many of things you said are necessarily Islamic adhabs but I think in all faiths/culture is common in some manner.
Arif
Saqib: You say that 'back home' suffers lack of progress due to their lackadaisical lifestyle, but I will counter by asking you to define progress. If by progress you are referring to the fast food culture, the alienation of the extended family, the uber-feminist movement, the relativization of morality, and so on, then I disagree. However, if you are referring to the high level of education, respect for rule of law, sembelance of equal rights, etc., then I can agree...
Mouse: Looking forward to more of your thoughful posts, IA-
Arif: I agree with you and that's why I stated that I wasn't referring to the negative conflation of cultural baggage with Islamic teachings - such as the marriage example you gave. Also, I agree that Islam in America does indeed have a unique flavor (due to its minority status), but one that I believe is sorely in need of some positive *Islamic* cultural injection. Can that be done? Jury still out on that...
AA Naeem
Thanks, I appreciated last week's article + this one (i.e. I actually read it, as opposed to normally skipping/deleting your emails that have to do with world events or politics. (:
AA
i was going to define progress in my post, but thought better of it, (obviously not a good thought at all)...
yeah, not "progress" as your first definition has it, but more a progress where it is anti-procrascination, anti-sectarial, anti-"it's not what you know, but who you know"-mentality...all of that stuff that comes from just thinking we have all the time in the world
whereas, if we were more active, then things mightn't have been so bad in certain respects, the sense of an "approaching death" should hasten us to do some good...
procrascination is one way of laughing at death (until ofcourse, you kinda die...then you won't really be laughing)
anyway, i agree with most of everything else, and i do like the laid back "carribean" approach to life...stress-free
WS
Salaamz Naeem,
Thanks for the interesting read. May Allah tala bless you for all your efforts over the years in sending out interesting and engaging articles with nice summaries or your thoughts on each article.
You have some very nice thoughts on the issue of culture and its positive aspects. In a sense culture is the meeting between Religious principles and the ethnic genius that expresses and uniquely applies these same principles. Indeed one's culture is in a sense how Religion is spread to the masses, albeit 'unconciously', to those who participate in a given culture.
But interestingly enough we live in a time where the values and reality of culture is dissipating and being poisoned by a a kind of uniform and unilateral pseudo-culture that is broadcasted through various modalities of modern media (movies, advertisements, modern music, etc).
Before, traditional peoples lived in homogenous yet diverse cultures and 'passively' or unconciously recieved the teachings of culture and religion through tradition (as you alluded to Naeem). We live in a world now, where if any real values or culture is to be transmitted, it has to be done 'actively' and 'conciously'.
In a sense, our generation (mine and yours Naeem) were perhaps the last to have gotten a taste of that kind of "respecting your elders, and respecting gender roles" culture. It was transmitted to us through our parents who were in a sense still 'dripping wet' with the Pakistani and Indian Muslim heritage.
But we are put in a unique situation in that we lived within that kind of cultural ambiance while nonetheless being exposed to modern culture and living in the modern world.
This in a sense has put us in between both worlds, such that we can see the qualities and the limitations of both worlds. We paradoxically have the role of Ibn Arabi's 'Barzakh'(a Quranic term that means a barrier between two things. A barrier that although partakes of both things, can not be seen to be either of the one or the other.).
Perhaps as you alluded in your thoughts Naeem, we are in a time period where a muslim American culture has not been totally formulated yet. Or that Islam has not totally integrated its principles into our contemporary culture. At any rate we live in precarious times, which also means that we may have a big responsibility on our shoulders. If we are "Neither of the East nor of the West", then we should rejoice that perhaps we may be closer to that 'Olive tree' that the Quran refers to in the famous Ayat-un-Nur....
Sorry for the prolonged reflection but I felt compelled to write.
Again Barakullahu Feek for your efforts akhi.
Hasan (Rehman) Awan
Although I agree with most of what you said, I don't agree that children should not see their parents hug or hold hands. I think quite the contrary so long as that is the extent of it. Otherwise, they may think that is how it should be.
I like the simplicity of "back home" though probably wouldnt be able to hack it on a permanent basis.
I found myself nodding to much of what you said brnaeem - the collective dinners, speaking to elders in formal urdu and english to one another etc.
I like certain aspects of my culture, and will be passing them on Insh'Allah
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