Regardless, the fact remains that I’ve known him for a
very long time and he’s always demonstrated terribly poor social skills in my
company. He consistently exhibits
selfish behavior while rarely, if ever, willing to reciprocate my acts of
generosity. I’ve lost count of the
number of times that I have taken this mooch out for a meal, allowed him
company in our family outings, and provided him a place to sleep. His charming personality is such that I foolishly continue to bathe him with gifts while getting nothing in return.
I seriously doubt that he has any other friends besides me. In fact, I know with certainty that he has no
other friends, for no one else would tolerate his boorish behavior. So while I realize I may be too accommodating
of his unbecoming idiosyncrasies (to put it mildly), the poor soul really has no one else.
But still, I shouldn’t excuse his disgusting
attitude. In our younger days, he went so far as to
cause several run-ins between myself and my parents. At the time, I was too immature to realize his failings, so I embarrassingly sided with him.
And it doesn’t stop there. His unwelcome contributions have played a
significant role in countless arguments I’ve had with my wife. She can’t stand that I continue to socialize
with him, but some relationships are awkwardly inexplicable and simply impossible to get out of.
And worst of all, I’m convinced this disgraceful little
runt has played a direct role in damaging my relationship with Allah
(swt). He clearly isn’t the most devout
of Muslims, as he is sadly lackadaisical in his worship while uncomfortably
exuberant in his worldly endeavors. Unfortunately I have found myself accompanying
him on one too many of his indulgent adventures. While I’m adamant on drawing the line when it
comes to clear Haram activities, he’s always keen to push those boundaries.
He loves to eat.
He loves to laugh.
He loves to socialize.
Odd traits for someone who has no real friends.
Every time I tell myself that we must part ways, I find
myself returning his phone calls and allowing him back in my circle. No lie, but the last few Ramadans I’ve told
myself that I’m going to purge myself of his distasteful company, sorta like TV
or the Internet. I semi-seriously joke with him that I’ll
tie him up in the same way Allah (swt) ties up the devils. And every year, I last
for the entire month without contacting him, plus an extra few weeks after, but
just like the TV and the Internet, he inevitably returns to my life.
And here I find myself reading these pathetic paragraphs, wondering why
in the world I continue to associate myself with this most ugly of beings.
I’m sure you’re wondering the same.
But don’t judge me.
Because you may have an equally vile friend in your own
life, who is more controlling, more obnoxious, more devious.
And worse yet, you may not even know about him.
He is your nafs.
I despise mine, yet I continue our dysfunctional
relationship where I grant him everything he desires, while he joyfully continues to
sabotage my life and after-life.
I wish I could simply un-friend him ala