I must admit that I was (naively?) shocked to read this recent article stating the enormously high divorce rate. I had heard about divorce skyrocketing in recent times, but I never imagined it was this high.
Without getting into any deep socio-psycho analysis of the Saudi landscape, I can say that it actually isn't very surprising.
The two genders live in completely separate universes, intermixing only in forbidden encounters or after marriage. For the most part, they have created lives devoid of the other. The males go out for nightly coffee sessions and weekend desert forays while the females busy themselves at the malls and salons, if and when they are allowed out.
In and of itself, the mere separation of activities by gender in the pre-marital years does not lead to a failed marriage.
But when these activities persist after marriage, with the husband and wife insisting on the continuation of their pre-marital lifestyle, the bonds of marriage are never afforded a rich soil wherein the roots can flourish and strengthen.
In my own experience, it’s not uncommon to see young married men going out with the guys almost every night, while the wives are at home tending to the young children.
And then there is the trend of many young Saudi women having lofty expectations that their male counterparts simply cannot fulfill. From the need for a villa to a housemaid and a driver to an expense account beyond the fiscal capacity of the husband, Saudi women can be very costly to maintain.
Also, the education disparity between the genders must also be considered. While many Saudi women are completing their degrees and even continuing onto graduate school (after all, they have not much else to do), many Saudi men struggle to finish college, busying themselves with questionable business ventures as well as social misadventures.
Finally, other more seedy variables, such as homosexuality and pornography, are surely playing an unwelcome role in the divorce phenomenon.
All in all, it’s a very sad situation, with the next generation of Saudis (ie. the children) being the biggest losers.
حقیقتِ زندگی
1 day ago
6 comments:
I'm quite shocked by this. Not that the divorce rate in South Africa is any less mind you. And for similar reasons, namely people live apart rather than together. Here in SA, everything is about how things look to the outside world... and one of two things occur: guys usually want to marry "super-models" so that they have trophy wives that they can parade around with (most of the time both end up cheating)... or guys marry the girl that makes the family happy but also has another girl (either a secret second wife or a mistress) on the side.
People everywhere have lost the plot I tell ya....
I always thought that the gender apartheid there should have serious consequences and now it seems like it has. Men and women simply do not know HOW to behave with each other! However, Saudi males don't seem to do too bad in the West!
If couples imbibed the ahadith of our beloved Messenger related to huqooq,we would likely see a decline in divorce rates all over the world.
A lot of what the sister mentioned in the first post is due to problems with a "diseased heart" engulfed in sin.Men/women both are dissatisfied with their respective spouse because the allure of sinning is so prevalent.
Hazrat Maulana Hakeem Akhtar Sahib clearly states if men/women protect their eyes, a lot of what ails them will come to an end.(I am paraphrasing).
AA-
@Azra, "And for similar reasons, namely people live apart rather than together."
Do you mean physically apart or psychologically?
I'm not against general segregation of the sexes, as it has succeeded in traditional societies for generations past. However, with so many social and technological innovations flooding modern society, the overall maturation process isn't taking place at its natural pace.
Young Saudi men and women are not willing to invest in their marriages. They desire the benefits of marital life without the sacrifices.
And so, the physical separation has lead to a psychological separation of the sexes, which is the greater evil. They just don't enjoy being with each other.
@Mezba, LOL @ Saudi males in the West!
Actually, it's not that men and women don't *know* how to behave together. It's that they don't want to. As I wrote in the post, they have created a lifestyle that they simply are not willing to sacrifice, even after marriage.
@Anon, you are absolutely correct and those words can be applicable to married couples all over the world (as you mentioned).
But there is an added element of difficulty here in Saudi. As I mentioned, young couples are simply not willing to invest themselves into the marriage. They believe their extracurricular activities with their friends and family take precedence over their spouses.
Additionally, materialism has found its place in the hearts of too many youth, what with the sudden abundance of riches over the past 30 years.
Salaam brother,
Great analysis on the sad Saudi divorce rate. I also read another article once (probably was in Arab News) that stated that alot of Saudi couples divorce while overseas too, most likely because one or both of them taste the "freedom" there and also because of the pressures of living in a different cultural environment (also many of them are students so that adds more pressure).
But your overall evaluation is correct; materialism and immaturity towards what it means to maintains a marriage go a long way towards destroying it.
Hey Naeem, I found your blog through twitter. I must say that this is heppening in Qatar as well, maybe the whole GCC and I am not exaggerating. In fact, this is one of the top reasons that divert me from getting married. It is very difficult to find a guy who doesn't spend most of his day in majlis. I don't my children to be born to a father like that. This may sound extreme but this is exactly how I feel/do for the past couple of years. So the question will be: Should we pass this lifestyle to our children or is it better to stay single? With 62% divorce rate, it seems like there won't be enough children to pass anything to.
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