Naeem's Blog

I had written down these thoughts from my last Hajj of two years ago and I figured now would be a good time to share them with everyone:

This was my second time around as an honored guest of Allah (swt), although it would be the first time accompanying my better half. And even though I had performed the Hajj before, I actually felt more prepared this time - the countless number of Umrahs enabled me to concentrate on the internal aspects rather than burdening myself with the details of the Hajj rituals.

Ree and I had talked of going for the past year but our major stumbling block was securing a place to stay for Maryam and Humza during our 6-day pilgrimage. And it was this act of entrusting our kids with another family, purely for the sake of Allah (swt), which would begin our profoundly symbolic Hajj.

When invited to a lavish social event in which children are not welcome, the onus of finding babysitting is normally left to the guest. However, Allah (swt) is no ordinary host and the Hajj is no ordinary social event. In our case, He graciously took care of the babysitting as well.

As an amazingly unexpected blessing from our Lord, Maryam’s second grade teacher volunteered to take care of both our kids. And now with two weeks left before the days of Hajj, we began the logistical preparations – finding a Hajj group, packing our bags, packing the kids’ bags, tying up all loose ends with friends and family – as well as the mental/spiritual preparations – studying the rites of the Hajj, contacting everyone to ask them for their specific prayers as well as for their forgiveness, spiritually preparing for the Hajj.

And it was then that I started to realize the symbolic similarity between what Allah (swt) had asked prophet Ibrahim to sacrifice and the angst we were feeling as our journey was in its initial phases.

Both of us were feeling extremely nervous about leaving our kids for an entire week. It would be the first time for both of us to simultaneously be away from them for such an extended period of time (Maryam is seven years and Humza is five).

Our worries spanned the entire spectrum, from the emotional – who would comfort them when they cried? – to the mundane – how would they bathe and clothe themselves? And to top it all off, three days before our departure, Humza started running a very high fever with coughs and nighttime vomiting! It was so confusing and heart-wrenching that Ree was even considering not going.

And it became very clear to me that this is exactly what the Hajj is supposed to be all about. It is a journey of sacrifice. A journey of turning away from this life towards the after-life. A journey of sacrificing our deepest fears, worries, desires, and attachments for the edicts of Allah (swt). As our father prophet Ibrahim was asked to make the ultimate sacrifice, Ree and I were being asked to make a similar sacrifice (relative to our spiritual level).

Our attachment to our children was being put to the test. Our trust in our Lord was being put to the test. Once we both came to this realization, it became that much easier to accept this as a test from Allah (swt) – a test of our faith.

Every pilgrim seems to go through some sort of tribulation which I believe is part of the purification process of an accepted Hajj. And so for me, my purification came in the form of pain and unease caused by what most would consider very minor injuries.

When I first arrived to Mina, the tent city next to the stoning pillars, I somehow got a very serious infection inside my right nostril.

This infection would slowly increase in size and pain causing redness as well as swelling of my nose, with pain shooting into my head and down my neck. And only now, three days after returning from my Hajj and ten days after first noticing it in Mina, has the boil inside my nose begun to reduce in size, by way of emitting its disgusting mixture of brownish blood and yellowish pus.

I chose to describe the nauseating nature of the discharge as it is befitting the nauseating nature of my sins that I pray were similarly discharged from my soul during the Hajj. In fact the sins that I have committed must be even more disgusting in the sight of my most Loving Creator as He has continued to bless me day-in and day-out, yet I have relentlessly opted to turn away from Him and commit countless egregious acts of disobedience.

In addition to my nose, I was ‘afflicted’ by some very painful blisters on my right foot. As a result of wearing the wrong type of slippers while walking from Mina to the Kaaba and back, I got blisters in three different locations. And given that I was to make that trek several more times, my injury was that much more magnified.

It really struck me how fragile Allah (swt) has made man (or at least this man!) that even a small injury the size of a penny could cause so much grief and misery. This injury was infinitely lesser in comparison to the death of the stampede victims (over 300 died), yet it somehow impaired me enough to cause me constant pain and suffering. And only after I stole a pair of socks from Ree was I able to achieve some sort of relief. What a beautiful and powerful reminder from Allah (swt) of His great blessings and my even greater dependency upon them!

After having performed the stoning rituals, we proceeded to the Kaaba to perform our Tawaf-al-Ifaadah. With a crowd of millions, pushing and being pushed is the accepted course of action. More often than not, the pushing comes as a result of the massive crowd surges and thus out of the control of the individual. Nonetheless, it is recommended that one perform the tawaf with hands down by the side so as to prevent any harm to another fellow pilgrim. Sadly, every so often one is encountered by a small group of pilgrims who are intent on moving faster than the crowd and thus are forcing their way through. It is then that one’s patience is tested.

The first, natural reaction is to turn and either rebuke the individual, give him a stern look, or simply push back harder. Having been counseled against such actions, as they are unbecoming of a person on a spiritual journey to Allah (swt), the preferred reaction is to simply absorb the push and ignore it. Normally that is what I and the other 2.5 million pilgrims observed.

However, I feel that the best response and one that the Prophet (saw) would have himself enacted, as his character was the most refined and most beautified, would be to turn to the individual with a gracious smile, extend a hand of peace by patting him on the back, and kindly suggest to him to slow down. Surely, this takes an immense amount of restraint and patience, but I am convinced that it would not only calm the individual, but also teach him with love and mercy.

Sadly I was only able to muster up enough patience to do this a few times, but when I did, I noticed a very positive response. Their faces would at first have an unyielding look of determination while ignoring the barking reprimands of those they were pushing.

However, when confronted with a smile and an extended hand of peace, I noticed many would smile back and in turn relax their military-style march. Such was the sunnah of Muhammad (saw), was it not? Remember the desert Arab who urinated in the corner of the Prophet’s holy mosque? Truly if our actions and reactions would be carried out with this spirit of patience, mercy, and love, how elevated and exalted would our status become in front of Allah (swt)!!

The symbolic nature of our Hajj continued when we proceeded to perform Sa’ee, the running between the hills of Safa and Marwa, a reenactment of the desperate search for water by our dear mother, Hajar. The crowd was incalculably enormous on all three floors. It was actually even more difficult than the Tawaf, with both of us barely finding any room to walk.

And it was here that I realized how difficult it was to maintain my concentration on my prayers and remembrance of Allah (swt). I had become so engulfed in the actual performance of the Sa’ee, trying to avoid getting pushed and shoved, that I had lost track of the greater purpose of this ritual, the constant glorification of and beseeching to our Lord. In this fashion my life has passed me by, with its hustle and bustle consuming me to the extent that I have forgotten the ultimate purpose of my creation.

Life is like this unending stream of people running between the hills – it will continue with or without me. I will never be able to change its flow to fulfill my personal needs; rather I must accept it and move in conjunction with its natural direction. My ultimate goal is to move beyond the mechanics of this massive flow and concentrate on my own inner development. I must struggle to regain my focus and elevate myself from the earthly so as to reconnect with the heavenly.

What a subtle, yet beautiful lesson from our Beloved Creator!

As we were leaving the Haram to return back to Mina, I did notice a truly delightful trend amongst the millions. There was an immense amount of peace and patience. Like a spray of cool water during a hot summer day, the showering of divine Mercy upon the pilgrims established a sense of coolness around Mecca that no police force could have ever enforced. And even when the occasional person became so testy and voiced his anger, the pilgrims around him immediately jumped in to soothe his irritation with reminders of Allah (swt) and the holy state of our journey. Is that not how our life should be lived? Rather than simply witnessing confrontations or worse, egging them on, we should assuage such altercations with reminders of our Creator.

I will conclude with two parting thoughts. As we sat in the airplane on our way back, we both realized how amazing it was that throughout the Hajj, Allah (swt) covered us both with a blanket of inner peace allowing us to concentrate on the actual pilgrimage rather than being consumed by our worries for the children. That was one of my biggest concerns – that we would spoil our beautiful journey by the incessant uneasiness for Maryam and Humza’s welfare – yet Allah (swt) put our minds and hearts at ease allowing us to comfortably enjoy the sweetness of the Hajj.

What a truly remarkable Host is He!

And as guests visiting the home of a host, it is very disrespectful to talk badly of any mishap or hardship that took place during the visit. That was a mistake I made after my first Hajj – I was very censorious and critical of what I saw and went through. And to be sure, I heard many people complaining and criticizing during this trip, especially after the unfortunate stampede tragedy.

However, the eyes of my heart have been unveiled (to an extent) and I now realize that everything, and I do mean *everything*, is a blessing from our Lord – it is only due to my impatience and limited understanding that I am unable to appreciate it and accept it for what it truly is. And with that closing thought, I am able to declare that my Hajj was a sincerely beautiful journey!