So I’m reading this must-read article in the Wall Street Journal, ‘Chinese Mothers are Superior’, about the way Chinese mothers raise their children in a strict, disciplinarian manner with high standards - in stark contrast to the Western method of coddling and appeasing the child’s self-esteem. I must admit that eventhough I’m convinced of the benefits found in the former approach, I’m guilty of practicing the latter. Not sure if my American sensibilities get in the way or if it's my wife’s guilt trips, but for the most part I find myself regularly letting my kids off the hook. I seriously need to commit myself to the more effective Chinese approach but with the most critical element of Islam and spirituality injected into the mix.
Anyways, I somehow end up reading this other WSJ article discussing a parenting revolution taking place in China where the current generation of parents are leaning towards a more liberal approach to raising children. As cited in the article, one of the top-selling books in China, titled ‘A Good Mom Is Better Than a Good Teacher’, “encourages independence and freedom while cautioning parents against overprotecting their children.” This revolutionary parenting advice of nurturing independent thought and questioning authority are cornerstones of Western thought and fly directly in the face of traditional Chinese parenting techniques.
And then I recall seeing a recent news report about countless elderly Chinese parents living a life of isolation and seclusion. And so to curb this negative trend, the Chinese courts have allowed these parents to sue their children for neglect and disregard.
The first thing that springs to my mind, admittedly as an outsider, is the seeming disintegration of basic Chinese values that I have long admired. The Far East was a land where elders were respected and children knew their place. Granted, these values defining the child-parent relationship are essentially ‘Eastern’, found throughout the Muslim world and Africa as well, but China has always been the embodiment of all things East.
Sadly, it is truly indicative of the times we live in, where the tentacles of the Western lifestyle are not sparing any nation or land. China is just the latest in the list of casualties.
Spread of the Western Lifestyle
Sunday, January 9, 2011
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11 comments:
Salaam 'alaikum.
Nice to see you around again. Don't be a stranger to your own blog. ;)
Part of China's problem is that the eastern half of the country is better developed economically, with many, many Chinese from the western provinces moving east to support the family. What that means is that the children are left behind with the grandparents while the parents work in the east, sending money home to the grandparents. Chinese New Year is often the only time when the parents can go home to see their children (and parents).
However, China isn't the only country where Chinese children are guilty of not supporting their elderly parents. Here in S'pore, Parliament just amended the Maintenance of Parents Act (1996) to strengthen that law. Here, parents can sue their children (if they're over 60 and unable to support themselves) for support. Children convicted under the act can get up to six months jail time. My understanding is that there are about 200 cases per year. That's a fairly small number, and I do see a lot of families (Chinese and Malay especially) who work very hard to provide support for their elderly parents, but there are still times when adult children need a kick in the pants to remind them of their filial responsibilities.
JDsg (under a different ID)
Hasn't this already happened in Japan?
don't worry, it's a "made in china" era, those books may actually written by Chinese writers with a western author name.
meanwhile, the tradition method of "how to beat your kids(in the correct way)" can be seen everywhere.
AA-
@JD, and it's this economic lure, that has become so strong that it is estranging adult children from their parents, that I believe is a by-product of Western capitalism. China has long ago thrown aside its allegiance to socialist economics and has blindly adopted capitalism. And thus we are seeing a sad reflection of this decision.
When money and (relative) affluence become more important than one's duty to the parents, we need to reassess our priorities.
At the same time, I think for too many in the third world, this decision is being made for them and under great social pressure are being forced to forsake their families and centuries-old tradition in order to simply survive.
@BrownS, yeah, I think Japan fully embraced 21st century technology without giving any consideration to the negative social effects on wider society. But as an outsider, I can't really say too much about the social dynamics that currently exist there.
Anyone out there have better knowledge?
It's an interesting comparison to make, namely Japan vs other Eastern lands, to see what the fate of many current 3rd world nations will become if they too blindly welcome technology and free market capitalism.
@Miloservic, sorry but I didn't catch the gist of your comment. Care to elaborate?
@Naeem:
I mean the wsj had overestimated the influence of western education method to Chinese society.
the western jounalists, most of them, only focus on the westernized aspect, neglected the vast majority.
for my own experiences, lots of chinese parents never buy books about how to educate the kids, they don't consider family education as a kind of technique.
moreover, china recently has passed laws which require children to visit their parents "frequently" and care the elders' wellbeing. did wsj metioned that?
I was thinking about this article too. I have a sister thats a good deal younger than I am (a decade)... and I must say that the discipline that was enforced in our home as I was growing up and the discipline (or lack thereof) that's enforced today is like two completely different scenarios.
I grew up very disciplined... the kind of discipline where I was in bed at 8pm every night without being told that I needed to go to bed and I was terrified of defying my parents.
But in stark contrast, my sister gets away with everything. I don't know if parents just get lazier as they get older, but I'm guessing that with the advent of globalisation and mass media, most of the world cannot be spared from westernization and I find that disheartening to an extent and it makes me afraid for my future kids.
My goodness, it's not like people are forced to "westernize" and abandon their parents. I don't force the people of the Middle East to watch the trashy TV shows America produces, but they watch them more than I do!
For me the bottom line is that you don't force children to care for parents. You don't allow parents to sue their children. What ever happened to love for one another simply because they are family. I would hate to think my family took care of me simply because they feared being sued in a court of law! I hope they would love me enough to care for me.
Enough of regulating people to do tasks and then blaming their lack of doing so on the West. No one has the guts to take a look in the mirror and blame herself? Whatever happened to personal responsibility in this world?
Susanne,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. But I think you may have misunderstood the tone of my post. Firstly, I'm not in support of legal action forcing children to attend to their elderly parents. That is actually quite sickening and very depraved.
Secondly, my premise on the spread of the Western lifestyle was not to passively lay blame while washing our hands of any personal responsibility. I agree that, at the end of the day, each and every individual is responsible for his/her decision.
But at the same time, let's not fool ourselves here. The traditional parent-child relationship, which was pervasive even in America as recent as the 60's, has been replaced by the modern 21st century version which is mostly dysfunctional and irreverent. And where did this trend begin?
My contention is that it began in the West, where materialistic aspirations took precedence over familial ties. This trend, based primarily on capitalism, has now spread all over the world.
Would you disagree?
"My contention is that it began in the West, where materialistic aspirations took precedence over familial ties. This trend, based primarily on capitalism, has now spread all over the world."
I think money in and of itself is neither good or evil, yet the LOVE of money is a different story entirely. When you start loving money and what it can buy you and put it as your god then yes that is a huge problem. I think it all boils down to whom did we decide to serve? Jesus said
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. " (Matt. 6)
So I don't blame money. I don't blame capitalism. I don't blame a country's increasing prosperity. I don't even blame all the junk at our disposal. It's a heart issue. People, individually, choose whether they will serve God or serve money. What you see are the results of this. If they choose to serve God, they will do what He wants them to do: love and care for others.
On the other hand, if they choose to live for STUFF, then, yes,family ties break down as people chase the dollar rather than seek to do what God wants.
I blame people. Individuals. I believe we each choose whom we serve and I won't blame the West, the East, capitalism or socialism or anything in between. They didn't hold my hand and make me do what I chose to do.
Prosperity may create a temptation, but does this mean we have to yield? Can we not prosper and still care for our family? In fact, can we not use our prosperity to help our loved ones and others in the world? This is what I seek to do and I know many others such as this.
Susanne,
Great discussion! I appreciate your perspective on this issue, eventhough we may not see eye-to-eye. :-)
"So I don't blame money. I don't blame capitalism. I don't blame a country's increasing prosperity. I don't even blame all the junk at our disposal. It's a heart issue."
I think the difference between your approach and mine strikes at one of the major differences between the approach of Islam and Christianity.
Whereas your approach to any temptation/evil is to avoid it while allowing others to fall prey to it, I am more inclined to exert all my power to remove it, for the sake of the greater good.
And that is how I view modern-day capitalism. The incredible amount of greed that has provided a handful of individuals with immense wealth at the cost of leaving so many impoverished is something that I don't view as a mere temptation.
Its a scourge that needs to be fought and resisted.
People need to open their eyes to the debilitating effects of free-market capitalism (which really isn't free-market at all - see the billion dollar bailout of the banks) - and these effects are not simply economical. They are spiritual (which you acknowledge) and as I refer in my post, the effects are also social.
Are you convinced that it is best for all of humanity to simply allow this temptation to remain while so many suffer at its hands?
"Are you convinced that it is best for all of humanity to simply allow this temptation to remain while so many suffer at its hands?"
What do you suggest? We start -- metaphorically speaking -- raiding caravans to spread the wealth among the tribes? I remember this was common back in Muhammad's day and like any other ordinary Arab of his time, he practiced this as well.
I'm reading "The Post-American World" and the author is giving me much food for thought. So far, he hasn't made capitalism out to be the horrible monster that you do, but I'm not halfway finished with it yet.
Thanks for sharing your point of view on this subject. Mine was simply that i don't like always being blamed for every ill of Muslim societies. They need to take responsibility for themselves once in a while.
And, yes, I know y'all like totally removing temptations and is why some Muslims force (or strongly encourage) their women to stay at home (or covered) most of the time. Can't allow the men to be tempted because we all know men are so weak they couldn't resist lusting after a beautiful body...or hair. Sorry, but keeping women under wraps because of MEN's deficiencies in dealing with temptation greatly annoys me!
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