Naeem's Blog

I want to thank Salon and Osman Adnan for finally explaining to me how I can become a loyal Muslim American. Never having felt comfortable with being just a Muslim American, I have scoured the planet endlessly searching for the recipe for true loyalty to my birth-nation.

Finally, I have discovered it: Attend a Catholic school, celebrate bar mitzvahs and Christmas parties, have an Irish best friend (preferably born on 4th of July), join the military service, keep public displays of your Muslim faith to a minimum and carry a flag of the USA in your back pocket in case some pathetic Muslim child in some far-off pathetic land needs a reminder of your nation's unending benevolence - 'Hey, please don't mind the drone attack that just wiped out your entire village and uhmm, yeah, ignore our propping up brutal dictators across the Muslim world and go ahead and overlook our occupation of two major Muslim nations because, well, Imma teach you to read English. Oh and here's a flag of the good 'ol Stars and Stripes - just promise me you won't burn it...har-har, just kidding. But seriously, don't burn it.'

Yessiree-bob, a good 'ol Loyal Muslim American.

Where do I sign up?